Four Painful Years

>grab the mech that looks like a... wait, this isn't a mech, it looks like a cactus made out of crystals. How did this get here???

You know exactly how that got there. You bought it and took it home because it’s amazing.

EcoSpace Ranger XDrive is a staple of model kit geekdom. Though you’ve never seen the cartoon - in your head you can hear Parmar’s shrill, whiny voice berating your choice of terminology - you’ve gathered enough about the lore to make sense of it. Some spandex wearing vigilantes travel the galaxy looking for these weird crystals, and then the crystals turn into giant robots. Not the most intriguing plot to come out of the genre, but you’ll be damned if it doesn’t produce some awesome blueprints.

This one in particular is DaiEmerald Lyndwurm. It’s notable for its thorny, translucent green armor, articulate joints, and an honest-to-god grappling hook you can fire from the left arm. One of your favorites, though they haven’t been produced since the late 90s.

>Build a snake robot and do a Frankenstein and make it alive!

In a fit of inspiration you dismantle the bottom of half of one of your more common Zabu IIs and install the tail of an ABS Warkiller Tanksnake beneath the waist. You also take the unfinished Tanksnake’s shoulder cannons and affix them to the Zabu’s torso. It looks so cool now.

By squeezing the base of the tail, you cause your freakish abomination’s mechanisms to turn. It lunges forward and knocks over a bunch of little soldier figures you had standing around. WHAT HAS SCIENCE DOOOOONE!?

>Go to the bathroom.

You put your toy robots down and decide to clean up like an actual adult. That was admittedly more fun than you imagined it would be. The sorrows of reality come rushing back, however, when this greets you in the bathroom mirror.

Yuck… Girl, you could do with an upgrade yourself. And maybe an oil change.

>remove those jammy crumbs from the shirt.

But that requires effort! The laundry room is two floors down and probably filled with… you shudder… neighbors. For now, you disrobe, huck your grody shirt into the hamper and have a shower. While it doesn’t do much for your posture or your general attitude, it leaves you feeling somewhat refreshed.

You plan on heading out for your bonus check soon, so you might as well make yourself look “presentable.” What kind of Julie B. Mitchells are we going for today?