Four Painful Years

>Look for knocked over something.

Yeah. Probably better to do so before whatever it is ends up growing mold in a mug underneath your bedframe. It isn't on the floor in front of the nightstand, so it must've fallen into the gap next to the bed.

You heave a sigh and lie down, only to jerk back up in revulsion as your neck makes renewed contact with the cold, clammy surface of your wet pillowcase. Incensed, you huck it across the room at your "10 Foot Toes" poster before angrily rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Let's try that again.

You lie prone on the mattress and jam your arm into the space between your nightstand and bed. Before long your hand comes into contact with something and you grab it. Of course. The fallen object was one of those limited edition bobbleheads from that one game you really like. You know, the one with the old music and giant scorpions? That one. You put it back where it belongs.

What about a snack?

And there's the hunger, right on cue. You stretch and eventually work up the motivation to leave the warmth of your comforter. As you waddle to the fridge you scratch liberally. One of the greatest perks of living alone.

On the way you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Ugh. You need a haircut so bad. And less baggy clothes. Maybe something for the skin around your eyes. While you're at it, a bigger chest and some lipo wouldn't hurt either, but now you're just being mean to yourself. In a fit of playfulness you puff out your cheeks and make a motion with your arms as if your gut is a balloon being inflated. You smirk, then return to what you were doing.

You open the fridge. Smells better now that you remembered to crack open that box of baking soda. The fridge contains:

• A 1L carton of 2% milk
  
• A 4L jug of chocolate milk, half empty
  
• Carton of eggs, 4 left
  
• Some bacon
  
• Loaf of white bread (Yes, you keep your bread in the fridge and it is staying that way)
  
• Smooth peanut butter
  
• Blackberry jam
  
• Mustard, running low
  
• A two week old double down you took one bite of and gave up on immediately
  
• Leftover birthday cake from Maxwell's party
  
• Margarine
  
• A head of cabbage, almost past expiration
  

Your freezer also probably has some ice cream and waffles in it, but you're too lazy to check and the humming of the fridge's lightbulb is soothing your headache.