You Wake Up In A Bar

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• a statue with a sash who's the epitome of class
  
• the RBs: an animal shaped like a giant cowboy hat with tiny tiny legs and a big mouth that splits the brim. they are made of piping hot roast beef and poop delicious barbecue sauce out of the top of their heads like an old-school oil rig to cool themselves down. they have a sixth sense, a sense of humor, which leaves prone to break out in fits of hysterical hyena-esque laughter at the (in their opinion, FANTASTIC) cosmic joke of their own existence and existence in general.
  
• clippy but a GUN
  
• a creature made entirely of cascading blood, searching for its "better half," quite literally split vertically clean down the middle. this affliction leaves them very emotionally stunted and fundamentally lacking any inner moral compass, but they've actually become in past years quite apt at working around their lack of gut feelings and doing right by people anyway even though it's ridiculously hard for them
  
• wings for ears, steam for tears. only 10% torso, legs moreso, long arms also. wears a frock, only eats rocks.
  
• a rainbow trout. that is, a trout that swims through rainbows
  
• everyone else keeps calling them human even though they are an elf, because what's pointy ears in the grand scheme of species
  
• it's yaffenhash, turns out they only faked their death via mining accident. now they're a somewhat-unsuccessful space smuggler
  
• an escaped computer virus, who finds solace for their fragmented soul and only partial physical manifestation in their intense love of music
  
• a far-flung representative of the Central Eating System, who has a long, long, constantly-lengthening quasi-umbilical cord coming out of the small of their back transmitting waste and nutrition back to the source and also back from the source. contrary to popular belief, they are not at all a hivemind