RE: Sozzletown: the thread where you use substances
05-16-2018, 10:31 AM
[10]???
:octagonal_sign: substance use and unreality, existentialism (kinda dumb oversharing) warning :octagonal_sign:
Hello mayor of sozzletown with his usual euphoria and exalted feeling, no shame, never will have shame for this
Anyhow I'm rly proud of myself bc
so I was not having a good night. had to try and get more job apps out and those drain me and bring on a lot of intrusive thoughts and "never again" feelings, anxiety and stress and all. "well ok today has more or less been ruined trying to tackle a brick wall, time to self-medicate". And so I'm slowly feeling high, feeling calmed, feeling floaty, and I just, good fucking news, a character I adore and have neglected wanted to hang out, had me draw her, and p much nudged me into getting to doing lore/worldbuilding for the setting she's in, and managed to somehow mcfucking knit it, and it kept building and building and folding inwards to have more cohesion. it feels like a basket is weaving itself and I have everything I wanted to work with. so yeah, high out out of my mind and only getting higher, cranking out all the work I wanted to do over weeks of drafting and put off for so long is done in three hours. It's all misspelled and scatterbrained, but it's such a wider base to refine from, and just expands the lore I had already made bits and pieces of. I'm really proud, feeling really good, and just, a little manic now. euphoria is good, I'm feeling so good.
Progress is made both by strong steady perseverance, and those leaps and bounds
but uh yeah, I have a much stronger lore basis for my setting, which I'm gonna be using for a forum/twine game. first round of beta testing went great, and expanded the setting bc I had prototyped 3 world views, and guess what
THEY'RE ALL WOVEN NOW
IT'S A BASKET NOW, AND IT CARRIES MY NARRATIVES
so yeah I guess that's why I went with baskets, they weave, they carry, they hold and shield
uh so yeah, I realized that everything I've been doing over the last few weeks has built up to this. subsconscious reference and note taking, vibes, moods, just building.
this state is like dreaming and lord I love that. :100: all the way. sure the valleys suck (hi there hardcore paranoia bouts), but lord these mountain peaks are so lofty. self-medicating and self-treatment sucks, but it's also really weird. awareness of my mental health has allowed me to analyze it, and notice the patterns. I know the formula, I just need to spot the variables in daily life. The fall to the valley is not fun, but it can be used to slingshot. I feel like I've turned some non-coping habits into coping-mechanisms. A hurdle is being used to polevault where possible. It's honestly dumb and looks dumb from a distance even to me, but for once things feel good and I'm able to look back and see all the progress I'm making, and that I'm gonna make it to where I need to be. That there is hope and yeah wow. there'll probably be emotional fatigue and burnout but we're switching gears fast enough to make the turns work.
:octagonal_sign:
:octagonal_sign: substance use and unreality, existentialism (kinda dumb oversharing) warning :octagonal_sign:
Hello mayor of sozzletown with his usual euphoria and exalted feeling, no shame, never will have shame for this
Anyhow I'm rly proud of myself bc
so I was not having a good night. had to try and get more job apps out and those drain me and bring on a lot of intrusive thoughts and "never again" feelings, anxiety and stress and all. "well ok today has more or less been ruined trying to tackle a brick wall, time to self-medicate". And so I'm slowly feeling high, feeling calmed, feeling floaty, and I just, good fucking news, a character I adore and have neglected wanted to hang out, had me draw her, and p much nudged me into getting to doing lore/worldbuilding for the setting she's in, and managed to somehow mcfucking knit it, and it kept building and building and folding inwards to have more cohesion. it feels like a basket is weaving itself and I have everything I wanted to work with. so yeah, high out out of my mind and only getting higher, cranking out all the work I wanted to do over weeks of drafting and put off for so long is done in three hours. It's all misspelled and scatterbrained, but it's such a wider base to refine from, and just expands the lore I had already made bits and pieces of. I'm really proud, feeling really good, and just, a little manic now. euphoria is good, I'm feeling so good.
Progress is made both by strong steady perseverance, and those leaps and bounds
but uh yeah, I have a much stronger lore basis for my setting, which I'm gonna be using for a forum/twine game. first round of beta testing went great, and expanded the setting bc I had prototyped 3 world views, and guess what
THEY'RE ALL WOVEN NOW
IT'S A BASKET NOW, AND IT CARRIES MY NARRATIVES
so yeah I guess that's why I went with baskets, they weave, they carry, they hold and shield
uh so yeah, I realized that everything I've been doing over the last few weeks has built up to this. subsconscious reference and note taking, vibes, moods, just building.
this state is like dreaming and lord I love that. :100: all the way. sure the valleys suck (hi there hardcore paranoia bouts), but lord these mountain peaks are so lofty. self-medicating and self-treatment sucks, but it's also really weird. awareness of my mental health has allowed me to analyze it, and notice the patterns. I know the formula, I just need to spot the variables in daily life. The fall to the valley is not fun, but it can be used to slingshot. I feel like I've turned some non-coping habits into coping-mechanisms. A hurdle is being used to polevault where possible. It's honestly dumb and looks dumb from a distance even to me, but for once things feel good and I'm able to look back and see all the progress I'm making, and that I'm gonna make it to where I need to be. That there is hope and yeah wow. there'll probably be emotional fatigue and burnout but we're switching gears fast enough to make the turns work.
:octagonal_sign: