RE: ??? Game
04-02-2018, 09:00 AM
>Nekixi and Juppet
Critique:
Also loving the music choice. It makes this ominous :3
Critique:
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SpoilerNekixi
No Critique
Buniaegus
No Critique.
Juppet
If the cuteyes are not picked I recommend going through the cosmosdex and making a list of 'cute' species, and contacting the owners to check for interest in a canonical alliance.
Cuteyes
I have 0 critique here. Frankly adorable, and the melty-eyes makes me question if they need to be clarified as having stable eyes that have a pupil within them that 'melts', and does it reconstitute later?
Chillmagus 40,000,000
I don't know if there's anything that specifically needs to be changed here, again. Possibly tying in the various robot corps for lore potential is a good idea.
Windlinger
Doing good for the sake of good is valid af. For cosmosdex purpose you should try to consolidate whether they have [Wind-up] or [Rarely misses], but that could be worked into the Special category, probably. The Dyinotec lore seems a bit convoluted. Are their origins as a species from the settlement, and they now exist as a diaspora with a subculture of the bots who were made by Dyinotec? How do they view their 'clones'
Xarangle
The tone here makes it sound writting by a Xarangle, and that's really neat. You may need to clarify the "pretend" section. Do they change from having wings to having legs and arms? What is a chimers? Expand on the blue/orange morals trope usage. Murder may be too difficult as a first example.
Titanial Order, variant 2
Titanial Order, v2 has lore problems. Notails were the first species to achieve interstellar flight in the universe. Distant Space-faring empire works well if you were doing a fanventure with different lore (such as [MACHINA], but otherwise it's very difficult to work that into the ongoing lore as all spaceships are obtained through first contact. I additionally think that at this point you may have too many species involved in the robot war with this, BUT you also have this poll ongoing, so it works out.
No Critique
Buniaegus
No Critique.
Juppet
If the cuteyes are not picked I recommend going through the cosmosdex and making a list of 'cute' species, and contacting the owners to check for interest in a canonical alliance.
Cuteyes
I have 0 critique here. Frankly adorable, and the melty-eyes makes me question if they need to be clarified as having stable eyes that have a pupil within them that 'melts', and does it reconstitute later?
Chillmagus 40,000,000
I don't know if there's anything that specifically needs to be changed here, again. Possibly tying in the various robot corps for lore potential is a good idea.
Windlinger
Doing good for the sake of good is valid af. For cosmosdex purpose you should try to consolidate whether they have [Wind-up] or [Rarely misses], but that could be worked into the Special category, probably. The Dyinotec lore seems a bit convoluted. Are their origins as a species from the settlement, and they now exist as a diaspora with a subculture of the bots who were made by Dyinotec? How do they view their 'clones'
Xarangle
The tone here makes it sound writting by a Xarangle, and that's really neat. You may need to clarify the "pretend" section. Do they change from having wings to having legs and arms? What is a chimers? Expand on the blue/orange morals trope usage. Murder may be too difficult as a first example.
Titanial Order, variant 2
Titanial Order, v2 has lore problems. Notails were the first species to achieve interstellar flight in the universe. Distant Space-faring empire works well if you were doing a fanventure with different lore (such as [MACHINA], but otherwise it's very difficult to work that into the ongoing lore as all spaceships are obtained through first contact. I additionally think that at this point you may have too many species involved in the robot war with this, BUT you also have this poll ongoing, so it works out.
Also loving the music choice. It makes this ominous :3