Post making contest 6.0

This is a story 'bout a guy named Al who lived in a sewer with his hamster pal, but the sanitation workers really didn't approve, so he packed up his accordion and had to move to a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree, and he worked in a nasal decongestant factory, and he played on the company bowling team, and every single night he had a strange recurring dream where he was wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream - but that's really not important to our story.
Now the very next day he met a dental hygienist with a spatula tattooed on her arm, (on her arm,) but he didn't keep in touch, and he lost her number, so he got himself a job on a tater tot farm. And he spent his life savings on a split-level cave twenty miles below the surface of the earth, (of the earth,) and he makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich, for what it's worth.
One day Al was walking in the forest trying to get a tan when he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man. He was caught in a bear trap, and Al set him free, and the man that he rescued was as grateful as could be, and it turns out he's a big shot producer on TV, so he gave Al a contract
and what do you know
now he's got his very own
Weird
Al
SHOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!