RE: [TYCHE]: Failure raffle, ends 1/17
01-12-2018, 07:07 AM
Xxxx, Xxxxxx
Head of GHA!
February 30th, 20XX
^~*~#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#~*~^
A B R A N D N E W Y O U - N I V E R S E !
^~*~#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#~*~^
CONGRATULATIONS! If you have received this transcript through whatever primitive system of communication your species uses, then you have achieved INTERPLANETARY TRAVEL, a made a wonderfully small step towards the rest of the universe! While such a feat as connecting with other worlds might stupefy your undeveloped gray matter, you need not to worry because we here at GAH! are here to ease your transition into the horrifyingly infinite beyond! GAH! or the Galactic Home-owners Association as it is better known, is a committee of like-minded species from across the depths of space committed to the task of ensuring the health and well-being of our local area through never again letting mammalian species that hibernate for a century a chair in the government, nor providing first contact to species composed entirely of rotating, poisonous spikes. This transcript, should you be accepted, will provide you with instructions on how to achieve the next level of space travel and the location of your regional Registry of Automated Spacecraft. Species status and other information are provided below.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Species: Garbs
Status: DENIED
Reasons:
- Existing within several realities of different clothing
states
- Physically manufacturing own deities to travel illegally
backwards in time and create own species
- Save-scumming own deaths with alternate realities
- Liking memes from over a year ago
- Garish salmon and neon pink fur-tones
- Appreciating the death of favorite characters
------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are reading this and aren't the editing team from Sector-92.43, or just happened to pick this up while they hibernate, then it appears your species has been REJECTED. Do not worry for GAH!, as we doubtfully feel any pity for your current situation. Naturally, a few species could metaphorically fly under the metaphorical radar and cause great havoc in the mess of a galaxy we have so poorly tried to metaphorically pull together. While your brains might be too small or non-existent to understand our point, trust us and the several drug coatings embedded in any paper copy of the transcript, it is simply better off for your species to stop existing. The demolition crew will be coming on the next available business century to remove your planet. Shipping and handling fees for the equipment have already been paid. If you believe this transcript was sent to you mistakenly, and you are in-fact non-sentient, slobbering ooze lizards, try striking two sticks together, your self-reflection and crippling-despair should arrive shortly. Thank you for your soon-to-be nonexistence and compliance with demolition protocols.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Head of GHA!
February 30th, 20XX
^~*~#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#~*~^
A B R A N D N E W Y O U - N I V E R S E !
^~*~#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#~*~^
CONGRATULATIONS! If you have received this transcript through whatever primitive system of communication your species uses, then you have achieved INTERPLANETARY TRAVEL, a made a wonderfully small step towards the rest of the universe! While such a feat as connecting with other worlds might stupefy your undeveloped gray matter, you need not to worry because we here at GAH! are here to ease your transition into the horrifyingly infinite beyond! GAH! or the Galactic Home-owners Association as it is better known, is a committee of like-minded species from across the depths of space committed to the task of ensuring the health and well-being of our local area through never again letting mammalian species that hibernate for a century a chair in the government, nor providing first contact to species composed entirely of rotating, poisonous spikes. This transcript, should you be accepted, will provide you with instructions on how to achieve the next level of space travel and the location of your regional Registry of Automated Spacecraft. Species status and other information are provided below.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Species: Garbs
Status: DENIED
Reasons:
- Existing within several realities of different clothing
states
- Physically manufacturing own deities to travel illegally
backwards in time and create own species
- Save-scumming own deaths with alternate realities
- Liking memes from over a year ago
- Garish salmon and neon pink fur-tones
- Appreciating the death of favorite characters
------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are reading this and aren't the editing team from Sector-92.43, or just happened to pick this up while they hibernate, then it appears your species has been REJECTED. Do not worry for GAH!, as we doubtfully feel any pity for your current situation. Naturally, a few species could metaphorically fly under the metaphorical radar and cause great havoc in the mess of a galaxy we have so poorly tried to metaphorically pull together. While your brains might be too small or non-existent to understand our point, trust us and the several drug coatings embedded in any paper copy of the transcript, it is simply better off for your species to stop existing. The demolition crew will be coming on the next available business century to remove your planet. Shipping and handling fees for the equipment have already been paid. If you believe this transcript was sent to you mistakenly, and you are in-fact non-sentient, slobbering ooze lizards, try striking two sticks together, your self-reflection and crippling-despair should arrive shortly. Thank you for your soon-to-be nonexistence and compliance with demolition protocols.
------------------------------------------------------------------