here's where you post the legally-mandated character sheets

Name: Counterfeit Buttons
Genre: podcast with negative viewership
Genus: standup comedy
Gender: i know it's somewhere in this pocket...
Age (In bird years): 7 + 3i
Height (In bird metres): 0
Width: rude of you to ask i tell you what my parents always taught me that wh
Beak length: explorers were sent out to measure how long and they have yet to return
Mirrorshades / Mohawk / Trenchcoat yes
Favorite song: the sound of silence but literally, don't speak to counterfeit
Cyberware implants: all of them, some of them twice
Occupation: freelance professional, amateur expert
Quarterly Earnings: three bags of buttons a week
Equipment: a sack of brass marbles, thumbtacks, a spool of copper wire, a pouch of salt (lightly used), a 12 pack of chalk, and three candles
Political Compass Location: reading the tea leaves, looks like roses
Crew Name: the moment

Stats:

HP: NaN
AP: like, so much
MP (magic power): overflowing
MP (mind power): running on backup
MP (member of parliament): i'm not an owl you fool
THAC0: nah

Physical.
BODY: present
AGILITY: snicker-snack
REACTION: snap
STRENGTH: deflated balloon

Mental.
WILL: solid
LOGIC: fuzzy
INTUITION: peachy-keen
CHARISMA: slippery

Special.
EDGE: butterknife
CYBER: knows the cyber
EGGS: coated in brass and made to look like marbles
SPIRIT: 80 proof

Biography: the beast whomst slouches toward bethlehem to be born