Quest Me: Reyweld's Trash Reign Ascension (Score: 5)

Write a grand tale of the day I kicked your ass

Reyweld was sitting in his evil lair, all contrived up in his filth. The Dirty Turtle was the name of the saloon in which he dwelled, and in The Dirty Turtle he dealt in the most illicit and grubby dealings a bird could get their feathers in.

One such bird was the “hero” of our story--but not in the typical sense. Bigro, a strong willed fowl with muscle and vim, was a peddler being pressed by Reyweld’s goons to cough up the worms in his satchel. Unknown to the robbin’ robins, this would spell the end of Reyweld’s malice.

FIGHT:

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SpoilerBigro vs. Robins (x3)
Robin used Harass! It wasn’t very effective… (x3)
Bigro used Punishment! Hit (2) times! Robin departs from this world! Robin departs from this world!
Robin tries to run, but fails.
Bigro uses Rehabilitative Slice! It’s super effective! Robin departs from this world...

Bigro licked off the fresh blood on his wings, and looked to the crowd. There was fear among the dirt poor, but also hope. And greed. The deaths of the goons was a symbol they were all too willing to accept. But he knew that they had witnessed some of his secret techniques. Bigro saw these people and was pissed: now he had to kill everyone.

FIGHT:

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SpoilerBigro has encountered 50 Slum Chuggers and 12 Slum Poppers!!!
Bigro strikes for ??? damage, killing 17!
37 Slum Chuggers rabble for 12 damage.
8 Slum Poppers fire for 8 damage.
Bigro is feeling lucky! Bigro strikes for ?!?!? damage, killing 45 and destroying the terrain!

The earth shook and exploded, sending pieces of every nearby building and corpse flying--save The Dirty Turtle itself. Crow-nies began pouring out, surrounding Bigro and stabbing at him with sharp beaks. He punched through their ranks, blasting out brains and exploding their torsos in gore. When the mist of blood settled, only him and Reyweld remained.

Reyweld wore black glasses that concealed his beady eyes. His feathers were dotted red, and he wore a face of shock and anger. He cocked his head to the side, and chirped, “How dare you, you #$%@&!!! Holy %@$#, what the $$%@%--”

This was interrupted by Bigro kicking his butt feathers right in the ass, cleaving straight through his body until his puny brain was separated into two equal parts. After the wet splat of the two halves hitting the floor, Bigro wiped the blood of his boots off onto the splintered beak of the felled mob boss, and returned to his peddling cart.