CARD DRIVER

Lazarus Guerrero

>Furry Trash

Mac Macklemore

> Nick Elbeck

>Jamie Lopez

There's the winner. A name just as lovingly androdgynous as you are. Gender is fake, kids. Remember that. Also you almost fell for "Nick Elbeck" and you kind of hate yourself for it.

Well, whatever. You're named, you're famed, and now you're game. To finally open this pack that is! What took you so long, anyway? It's almost like the artist knew putting the next several panels together would be a lot of work and rather than preemptively start working towards it would leave it to the last second like an absolute-





"HOHO! LONG TIME NO SEE, HUMAN! GRANTED, IT HAS ONLY BEEN A GRAND TOTAL OF MAYBE TWENTY OF YOUR EARTHLY SECONDS. BUT FOR ME, IT FEELS AS THOUGH EONS HAVE PASSED!"

"AS PROMISED, I GRANT YOURSELF MY POWER. MY IMMENSE STRENGTH, THE WRATH OF MY ARMIES, AND EVEN MYSELF. WE SHALL SEE EACH OTHER AT OUR WEAKEST, OUR STRONGEST, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!"

"DO NOT LET ME DOWN, PITIFUL CREATURE. FOR I SENSE GREAT STRENGTH WITHIN YOU! NOW, IF YOU'LL LET ME DRAW IT OUT, WE SHALL CONQUER THOSE WHO STAND BEFORE US, AND CONSUME ALL WHO STAND IN OUR WAY, FOREVER GROWING STRONGER!"

"I, BLAZE INCARNATE, IGNIS GRANT YOU THE RIGHT TO BE MY DRIVER!"

He still hasn't learned anything about long monologues, huh. In a flash, the massive beast high above shoots down back into the cards in your hand, and suddenly everything is filled with light. Again with the blinding lights!? What is this, a powerpoint slideshow about rave culture!?

UGYAAAAH!



"Five new cards have been discovered! Would you like to view them?"

SpoilerShow

War Rally Dragon, Kindel x5
Rare - Fire - Monster
"Follow me to Victory!"

Ordinary Sword x5
Normal - Weapon - Item
"A basic blade, a simple sword, an average....word that means sword."

Quickstep x5
Normal - Quick - Action
"Get out of the way!"

>Perform a quick teleport out of attack range.

Critical Strike x1
Normal - Quick - Action
"One life? Make it zero!"

>Your weapon deals +1 damage until the end of your attack.

Blaze Incarnate, Ignis
Super Rare - Dragon - Boss
"Be engulfed in my raging storm!"

>[CONSUME] One Monster from your hand.
>[WILDFIRE] When this Boss attacks, your opponent takes one damage.

"'War Rally Dragon, Kindel' and 'Blaze Incarnate, Ignis' have been placed into your Buddy and Boss Zones! Your first deck is complete!"



Uh.



"Hello!"
"What the fuck."