The Disposable Enquiry [Round 1: Kyyhkynen]

“What’s your name? I mean, what can I call you?” Coriander asked.

ASMAIFAC spent a moment mulling over the question. He had never considered the fact that someone might want to refer to him as an individual. His registry number certainly wouldn't do in that case, it wouldn't be proper at all. A name, he needed a name. The very thought thrilled him, to have an identity he could call his own. It must be astounding. Amazing. Tantalizing! But above all, dapper.

"You may address me as Henrouisgregori," ASMAIFAC announced boldly. Coriander stared at him quizzically. "...von Butchinskyspelmont," ASMAIFAC added. The stare did not cease. "The third?" ASMAIFAC proffered weakly.

Coriander took his time responding. "That's...a unique name," he admitted. "And also a bit of a mouthful. Do you have anything...shorter? It would be terribly annoying to have to address you as Henrouisgregori von Butchinskyspelmont III every time I wanted to get your attention."

Henrouisgregori von Butchinskyspelmont III pondered the situation for a moment. "Ah well, just ASMAIFAC will do then," he said sadly. "It just wouldn't be proper to cause you so much trouble so often, would it?" His monocled eye winked at Coriander.

"I...see." Coriander was less than thrilled. This was either one of the more messed-up delusions he had encountered - in which case he was even more frightened of the state his subconscious mind was in - or this mobile stapler had no idea what the heck it was talking about. Either way, Coriander didn't plan on sticking around and listening to it grope its way around the conversation. He turned around and prepared to leave.

"Wait!" ASMAIFAC cried, sensing his new friend was about to leave. "Let me come with you, good chap! I implore you! You're the first intelligent conversation I've had that didn't want me to staple memos to the walls of their coworkers' cubicles in...I think forever!"