Cloudsea - The Chronicle of Alice Van Vaugen

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"- all of us?. Help us, Empty. I don't care how you do it. I can barely fight right now."

( As you wish, Alice of Vaugen. Please, retreat to the cover of the boulder. Take Viss with you. They cannot hear me yet. Qhen. )

"Y-Yes?"

( Do you trust me? )

". . . I trust Alice."

( I appreciate your honesty. What was the biggest mistake you've made in your life? )

". . . I..."

Alice's legs gave out just as she got back behind the rock, pulling Viss down with her. The golem was starting to recover, and the choirbugs were climbing up onto it's shoulders, shivering and melding into it's structure. Qhen seemed to not care, instead intently staring up at Empty.

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"Aliss, what is happening?! Why did we retreat? Qhen is all alone out there!"

"Just- trust me. Empty will fix this."

"Empty. What is Empty? Do you speak of that shade, Aliss?"

"Yeah. That's Empty. They're my very important comrade. And my tool. And my master."

". . . You make no sense, Aliss. But you have started talking in a way that humans do when they mean what they say. Even if that thing is misleading Aliss, Aliss trusts it implicitly."

"It helped me save Qhen from making a terrible mistake."

*hisss-snort* "Did it now. Viss wonders if the universe conspires to make you live an interesting life."

"Thanks.

". . . Viss takes it back. YOU are interesting, Aliss. I will trust your judgement. Come here. I will check your shoulder. We may still need to assist Qhen and Empty."

Qhen stared up into Empty's hood. Empty floated there, and time felt like it was stretching out into a single infinite moment. Is this what Alice felt? Is this what it was supposed to feel like...? It's name suggested powerlessness, but it took everything Qhen had to not just drop to the ground.

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"My biggest mistake..."

They looked down at their hands. They flexed them a little bit. Memories began to play out in their head. Everything they've ever been ashamed of. Most of them were little. Lying. Stealing. Envy. Qhen was shocked as how many of their recent memories played into that. Especially around Alice. Even now, with that... 'corrupting influence' gone...

Qhen hated Alice so much.

Alice wasn't perfect, but Alice seemed to just be... better. Better at taking all of this in stride. Qhen was terrified. If Qhen didn't bring that thing down, then others were going to get hurt. If Qhen wasted too much time, maybe the airship would be discovered and attacked. Qhen had no idea what the strength of the enemy force was. Alice seemed to always know things. Qhen always felt like they knew nothing. Go here. Do that. Lift this. Break that. "Kill me, Qhen." Qhen was never in control of their own life. There was always someone there to tell them what to do, and how to do it. When to do it. why to do it.

Then Qhen remembered something, and was suddenly grateful that Alice and Viss had retreated, and that Qhen could not see them peeking out behind the rock. Qhen choked something back and swallowed the memories down, clutching their hands into fists so hard that they were threatening to cut themselves open on their claws.

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"I... can't tell you that..."

( Then you must tell me why you cannot, Qhen. )

"I thought it was because- Maybe- if I admitted what I did, that suddenly everyone would know what I did. I would be judged, and condemned, just like always. But that is just cowardice. The things I've done, I've always done for the right reasons. I've been dealt a shit hand by fate, and I've played every wrong card at the right time to get by."

( But that is not why you won't tell me. )

"No... I won't tell you..."

Qhen's eyes opened up so wide, that the yellow coloration disappeared. At this distance, they could make out every wavering mote of smoggy light in Empty's form. It was a good intimidation tactic. It helped Qhen fight in darkness. But it also kept Qhen from crying their eyes out. never again.

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"Because if I do something, it is because >I< WANT to. I don't have to tell you anything. You don't own me. My past might be a little monstrous... but I'm my own monster."

( You are no monster, Qhen. )

"hhhhh..."

Qhen could hear their own heartbeat. Time had all but frozen, and Empty was gone. The voice that spoke to them floated between them and the golem. The thing that threatened to hurt Qhen's friends. The long, blood red cloak fluttered in an invisible breeze, and every beat of Qhen's heart in their ears saw drops of blood falling to the ground underneath the cloak. It was unusually empty of haze, instead just a garment, floating there, speaking to them.

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"You-... We defeated you... You're gone."

( WE defeated me? Don't kid yourself. That was all the work of the Girl and her Meddler. But we do not have time to ARGUE, Qhen. Listen to me, and listen well. YOU are no monster. )

". . ."

( You merely... lack purpose. Others will- others HAVE used that lack of purpose to twist you to their desires. Others will be twisted. Used. Less than tools- which can serve a restricted, but long, useful life- they will be like matches. Lit once and burned to feed something greater. But you are no matchstick... )

". . . No. I'm not."

( In becoming the thing you wish to become, you will likely continue to do 'monstrous' things. For every truly good deed you perform, there will be someone that curses your name, sometimes with their dying breath. For every crime you commit, you will invariably be helping someone. Not because you must, but because you can. )

"And what do you know about what I want to become? Because of you, I nearly killed Alice."

( You still might, someday. That all depends on her, and the meddler, and the voices. You've started to hear them, have you not? )

" . . . "

( I know what you want, because it is what >I< want. )

". . . Truly? How can I trust your words?"

( You cannot. I will not sugar coat it, Qhen. I will lie to you. I will tell you things you do not want to hear. You will eventually be confronted with things you wished forgotten. But as long as you pursue your desires with all your heart, I will never betray you. )

Qhen reached out for the red cloak. They ran their hand along the Hem. It was positively soaked through with blood. An uneasy feeling in the back of Qhen's head, told them that this blood was their own.

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"Heart, huh? What does a god know about hearts?"

( Hmhm. The girl and her meddler have already rubbed off on you, I see. Just like you, I certainly know nothing about all hearts. They are mysterious, closed off, and forbidden to us. But that's not every case now is it? I know one heart. You mistakenly opened your heart to me and now we are bound for eternity. )

". . . Are you implying that Alice and I are now bound for eternity as well?"

( You mortals are fickle creatures, and I am no fortune teller. I know, what I know. And what I know, is you, Qhen. Your existence is known to me, and as such, I am bound to you. You need only reach out and seize my power, and together we will carve your name into the pages of history with the tip of a bloodied dagger. )

". . . What do I call you anyway, Muse of Anti-Heroes?"

( I am what we desire. What you cannot have without bloodshed and sacrifice. Hmm... Hm Hm. I have an idea. Let us have our new guests see if they can guess what it is you desire, Qhen. Let them know what you -Desire-. )

". . .I. . .desire. . ."