RE: SeaWyrm's Talon Exercises
11-11-2012, 09:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-11-2012, 09:37 PM by SeaWyrm.)
"Sir? Sir, I don't think that's how you mow a lawn!"
I spit out a mouthful of grass.
"Oh?" I asked, turning to my manservant, "why's that, Luther?"
"Um... it's just that I think a lawnmower might be more efficient, sir. And perhaps, ah, tastier."
"Tastier?" I guffawed. "Luther, my man, I can tell you from experience that lawnmowers do NOT taste good."
"Sir, I wasn't suggesting-"
"I know what you were suggesting, Luther, and it simply isn't how I want to approach this task. I want to do it the good old-fashioned way. Get to know the soil, you know? Get to know it with my teeth."
"But sir, we have such a lovely lawnmower. You picked it out yourself, remember? It has a seat so you can ride around on it, and those bright red racing stripes, and the fangs painted all around the-"
"Yes, yes, I remember it, Luther." I waved a hand dismissively. "I don't think you understand what I'm trying to do here." I bent down to tear up another hunk of turf with my teeth. Luther stared patiently at me as I chewed. He looked like he was waiting for something from me. I swallowed, then turned to him again.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Er, sorry, sir," he said, nervously, "but what exactly are you trying to do here?"
"Simple!" I laughed. "I wish to become one with the mighty and noble stag. Just think how attractive I'd be with a pair of antlers jutting majestically from my brow!"
"Yes sir," said Luther, uneasily. "I've always said you'd look much better with a nice rack. But how will this-"
"I think I feel it working already!" I announced. "My extremities have gone all tingly. It's very exciting."
"That may be the pesticides, sir," said Luther.
"Don't be absurd! I'm no insect or dandy-lion! Now, go and fetch my hand mirror. I want to see how the changes are coming along."
"Yes, sir," said Luther, with a resigned sigh. He marched doggedly back to the mansion.
Doggedly. Yes, he'd make a fine dog, I thought, idly scratching the back of my hand. I'd have to have a word with the chef about sneaking more kibble into the man's food.
I glanced down at my hand and yelped. Tawny brown fur!
---15 Mins---
I spit out a mouthful of grass.
"Oh?" I asked, turning to my manservant, "why's that, Luther?"
"Um... it's just that I think a lawnmower might be more efficient, sir. And perhaps, ah, tastier."
"Tastier?" I guffawed. "Luther, my man, I can tell you from experience that lawnmowers do NOT taste good."
"Sir, I wasn't suggesting-"
"I know what you were suggesting, Luther, and it simply isn't how I want to approach this task. I want to do it the good old-fashioned way. Get to know the soil, you know? Get to know it with my teeth."
"But sir, we have such a lovely lawnmower. You picked it out yourself, remember? It has a seat so you can ride around on it, and those bright red racing stripes, and the fangs painted all around the-"
"Yes, yes, I remember it, Luther." I waved a hand dismissively. "I don't think you understand what I'm trying to do here." I bent down to tear up another hunk of turf with my teeth. Luther stared patiently at me as I chewed. He looked like he was waiting for something from me. I swallowed, then turned to him again.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Er, sorry, sir," he said, nervously, "but what exactly are you trying to do here?"
"Simple!" I laughed. "I wish to become one with the mighty and noble stag. Just think how attractive I'd be with a pair of antlers jutting majestically from my brow!"
"Yes sir," said Luther, uneasily. "I've always said you'd look much better with a nice rack. But how will this-"
"I think I feel it working already!" I announced. "My extremities have gone all tingly. It's very exciting."
"That may be the pesticides, sir," said Luther.
"Don't be absurd! I'm no insect or dandy-lion! Now, go and fetch my hand mirror. I want to see how the changes are coming along."
"Yes, sir," said Luther, with a resigned sigh. He marched doggedly back to the mansion.
Doggedly. Yes, he'd make a fine dog, I thought, idly scratching the back of my hand. I'd have to have a word with the chef about sneaking more kibble into the man's food.
I glanced down at my hand and yelped. Tawny brown fur!
---15 Mins---