Earth Escape

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Author's Note I'm not using this one but I wanted to take a moment to appreciate it.

on your planet you don't have names, just emoji. your name is gun pineapple money_mouth carousel_horse pencil2 wavy_dash flag_tk postal_horn gun ok_hand. that name's a lot to put on a baby and you've never quite lived up to it

And now back to our regular scheduled programming

> George Morlan, the Outer-Space Water-Heater King!

???:
Ugh. No way. Don’t you ever bring up that name to me again. The only good part of having an AI in my head is that you block out all those stupid commercials the Infonet keeps projecting to us.

MC-G45:
Nothin’ stops your moanin’ like Morlan!

???:
I hate that catchphrase. Why are they moaning? What is Morlan doing to them?

MC-G45:
Heating their water and melting their hearts.

???:
Ew.

I kinda like George Morlan!

???:
Everybody does, that’s why it’s so creepy. He gets away with whatever he wants because he's just so charming. It makes me sick. I'd rather get hypothermia than have him fix my water.

MC-G45:
Yes, you certainly have some issues I don't really care about. If your name's not George Morlan then what is it?

> Skibber.

MC-G45:
Hm. That sounds right.



???:
That’s not right at all. I can just tell you, you know. It's--

Jaque LeFuer, Junior Medical Officer for the ICP. (That can be either the Intergalactic Confederacy of Planets or the Insane Clown Posse... your choice.)

???:
Quit it! I-- Er. Oh. Actually, that’s not far off. The occupation's right anyway.

MC-G45:
Insane Clown Posse?



???:
No! Junior Medical Officer! Intergalactic Confederacy of Planets! What even is that other thing?

MC-G45:
Relax, I'm still messing with you. I know that much, mainly because of how many rules you're breaking by not only having me activated, but being off-ship at all without clearance. You can yell at me all you like but you’re the one who started our illegal shenanigans. You wanted this.



???:
Yeah, well.

MC-G45:
Anyway, regardless of what your real name is, I think it’s safer if we use something different. We’re less likely to be hacked if I don’t know.

???:
...That’s actually a good point. If we are still on Earth, it makes sense to use a human sounding name, I guess.

MC-G45:
So Jaque it is?

Jaque:
Jaque it is.

MC-G45:
Okay, but Skibber is your new nickname. Jaque “Skibber” LeFuer.

Jaque:
Sure. Whatever. Let’s just go.

MICROCHIP-G45:
With that settled, Skibber--I mean Jaque clambers up the salt-stalk to the pipes, avoiding the dripping dark liquid.



When they reach the top, they dig through their pockets to find the right coin to undo the screws. Once the panel is free, they carefully lay it down.








That done, Jaque reaches for opening but hesitates before lifting themself up. Something feels off, but something always feels off when you suffer from anxiety. Time to push through.

Deep breath.

MC-G45:
Ready?

Jaque:
Ready.

Jaque:
Well. This doesn't look good.

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