Earth Escape

Author's NoteShow

Heads up, the art style is subject to change as I figure out how I wanna draw this. Also wow beans this one wound up being long. Didn't see a point in splitting it up.

???:
Amount of 'fun' aside, G45, let's just get out of here.

>Prepare a place for this most precious seed; you can do this, you've got a green thumb.

???:
I do. I do have a green thumb. So does most of my species, though.

MC-G45:
Regardless, you’re good with plants.

???:
Oh. Well. Thank you!

MC-G45:
It's not a compliment, it's a fact. Just plant the seed you egomaniac.

???:
Right.

MICROCHIP G-45:
Lucky for us, the floor is filthy enough to use as a dirt-bed. Nameless carefully prepares the seed.

MICROCHIP G-45:
With that done, all that remains is the exponentially more difficult part, finding something to water it with.

???:
Alright then. Suggestions?

>Squish a bug on the seed, create a monstrosity for shits and giggles.

???:
Yeeeesh how about no.

MC-G45:
Hey, come on, that's a good idea! We should--

???:
NO.

MC-G45:
Hmph. Alright then, how about...

>See if any of the pipes is leaking water.

???:
Yeah, okay, that's not bad. One of them might have something good.

MICROCHIP-G45:
Or not. As far as either of us can tell all the leaking pipes are dark-liquid pipes. It’s not looking good for water-hunting here.

>Does your lighter have fluid in it? and if so, is it enough to use on the seed and still be able to use said lighter?

MC-G45:
How about lighter-fluid? Would that work?



???:
It’s not water, but maybe. The trouble is, this seed is going to take on some of the characteristics of what it absorbs as well, not just DNA. It’s a guessing game what takes over. We could wind up with--

MC-G45:
Extremely flammable?

???:
Yeah. Which may not be a problem but it isn't the best plan not knowing what's up there. Regardless of how much fluid is in here, we should consider other options first.

MC-G45:
Well, there’s always….

>Worst comes to worst, you can use the black liquid. It shouldn't have any DNA issues...right?

???:
I... don’t know about that. We don’t know what that stuff’s made of. There’s no telling how it’ll turn out. We only get one shot at this.

Are you healthy? Because according to XXXXXX, if you're healthy, your pee probably wouldn't contain DNA and would therefore be safe to use. And if you aren't, there probs isn't enough DNA in your pee to make it... super grotesque maybe?

???:
Er, even if I did have to uh, do that right now, I’m not taking my chances on how that'll turn out.

MC-G45:
Hmm... Well, you better think of something. All you’re doing is turning things down.

???:
I know, I know, I just… Ahh!

MC-G45:
Hey it’s this or death, “pal”. Self-destruct is still on the table.

???:
Quit saying that! We’re not dying, just give me a minute.

MC-G45:
We don’t even know where we are. Who’s to say we have a minute? Someone could be coming any second to do cosmos-knows-what to us and you’re too scared to make a spider monster and get out of here.



???:
But what if that kills us, huh? That’s still a possibility! All those legs... Could you imagine it? Gah! Now I'm thinking about it!

MC-G45:
And what if the dark liquid kills us, or the small insects kill us, or someone outside this room comes in to kill us? You need to take a chance.

???:
I took a chance coming to Earth and look where that got us!

MC-G45:
Yes, well, you are an idiot, but my point is it doesn’t matter. I personally don’t care which happens so long as we actually do something instead of stand here turning down perfectly good options. It’s like you want me to kill us.

???:
No I don’t!

MC-G45:
So, what then?

???:
Gaah! I don’t know! You're making this way more stressful than it needs to be!

MC-G45:
And you're making this more complicated than it needs to be. Pick something, or I'm going to trigger that alarm again. Then we'll both be dead, blown to smithereens in a nondescript room. Is that what you want? Is it?

???:
Th-there’s just so much that can go wrong! So many ways we could get killed or mutilated or I don’t know experimented on or something? I mean who knows what’s up there and--

IT'S TOO LATE YOU'RE ALREADY SWEATING ON IT

???:
Ahh!

MC-G45:
Finally.

MICROCHIP-G45:
In their panic, a droplet of stress-induced sweat descends on the plant. Nameless freezes, holding their breath.




As the chemical compounds react, the seed begins to rustle. Something deep inside it awakening. Very soon it will--




Nameless smacks against the back wall and lands with a thud as the newly spawned plant bursts from its shell and reaches for the ceiling. They lay back a moment, dazed, staring up at its topmost tendrils curling around the pipes, trying to comprehend what happened.

???:
I... What...*huff*

~Unnamed quickly remembers how to breathe. Their heart races.~

???:
Oh right. *huff* *huff* Sweat...doesn’t have DNA in it, does it?

MC-G45:
It wasn't a perfect plan, but it worked.

???:
*huff* Plan?

MC-G45:
Don’t worry about it. Or should I say, don’t sweat it. Ha.

~Nameless sits up slowly, propping themself up against the back wall.~

???:
Oh dear cosmic entity I thought we’d made a monster...

MC-G45:
Well, the day’s still young. You alright? I’m not detecting any injuries.

???:
….Yeah. Yeah I’m fine. You’re still a jerk, but I’m fine.

MC-G45:
Good.

???:
So are those crystals...

MC-G45:
Sodium. From your sweat.

???:
Gross.

MC-G45:
It’s only gross when you overthink it. Let’s gather our stuff and go.

~Still recovering, Nameless pockets the items they left on the floor and gets ready to climb~

> After we get out of here, can we finally give you a name?

???:
What do you mean ‘we’? And besides, I HAVE a name! It’s

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