RE: [TYCHE]: Redux Opening Raffle! Ends 4/6
04-07-2017, 03:59 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-07-2017, 11:41 AM by Hermes.)
Are you tired of boring, regular cocoons?
Do you get hungry sometimes?
Do you just wish there was a better way?
WELL NOW THERE IS.
Chu Chu Meat Cocoons™ are the greatest meat cocoons on the market! Made with real meat*, they're sure to satisfy. Why settle for actual food? BOOORING. Eating just isn't fun unless you run the risk of cannibalism!
"But wait," you say, hand down your pants and unwashed cheese dusted fingers on the remote. "Why should I listen to you? I would rather hear the same thing from likeminded customers of a similar intelligence level to myself." WELL BOY ARE YOU GONNA LOVE THIS NEXT PART. Just listen to these satisfied customers!
"CHU CHU MEAT COCOONS ARE LIFE. I DONT KNOW HOW I LIVED BEFORE. I EAT CHU CHU MEAT COCOONS FOR EVERY MEAL AND IM IN THE GREATEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE."
"I love Chu Chu Meat Cocoons, and I am of the female demographic."
"meat... so much meat.... I'm sweating meat..."
now those are some happy, meat filled mouths if I've ever heard any! Are you really still sitting there, meatless and cocoonless?? Get down to your nearest MEAT store and force 18 of them into your gob at once!!! Go!!!!
*Meat is used as a general term.
----------
CHU CHUUUU! There's a train pulling into the station and it's loaded with fresh, hot, delicious flavor! All aboard for Chu Chu Meat Cocoons, the most exciting innovation in food-like products since aerosol cheese.
We ALL crave the sweet siren song of emulsified, formed, pressed, dyed, pasteurized, homogenized, irradiated meat-product slurry, but it's so messy! That's where Chu Chu Meat scientists went to work to use nature's perfect container of carrion slurry, THE COCOON!
Now thousands of these delicious, "nutritious", pods of mouth-watering goodness can travel great distances to arrive at your front door in unmarked, unrefrigerated burlap sacks.
"What are those?" Your only friend will ask, as you cram our Meat Cocoons into your sparsely toothed maw with both hands. You should get new friends, because that one askes too many questions.
You can use Chu Chu Meat Cocoons to grease machinery, clean rust off steel, weed your garden, ward off predators, cut vegetables, scrub toilets, and they're still hot and ready to eat! Special dietary concerns are NOT A PROBLEM! Chu Chu Meat Cocoons are Gluten free, soy free, lactose free, sugar free, preservative free, meat free, and hypoallergenic; perfect for the diabetic-lactose intolerant-Vegan with Celia's disease and an autoimmune deficiency in your life!
Can they please your wife? BETTER! Leave your wife and marry Chu Chu Meat Cocoons! They won't judge you. STOP READING, YOU COULD BE EATING!
(Second infomercial blurb is courtesy of my father)
PRIZES:
1. Pony Island
2. The Stanley Parable
3. Just get whatever you want
4. FTL
5. Be a character in Lasers comic
Do you get hungry sometimes?
Do you just wish there was a better way?
WELL NOW THERE IS.
Chu Chu Meat Cocoons™ are the greatest meat cocoons on the market! Made with real meat*, they're sure to satisfy. Why settle for actual food? BOOORING. Eating just isn't fun unless you run the risk of cannibalism!
"But wait," you say, hand down your pants and unwashed cheese dusted fingers on the remote. "Why should I listen to you? I would rather hear the same thing from likeminded customers of a similar intelligence level to myself." WELL BOY ARE YOU GONNA LOVE THIS NEXT PART. Just listen to these satisfied customers!
"CHU CHU MEAT COCOONS ARE LIFE. I DONT KNOW HOW I LIVED BEFORE. I EAT CHU CHU MEAT COCOONS FOR EVERY MEAL AND IM IN THE GREATEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE."
"I love Chu Chu Meat Cocoons, and I am of the female demographic."
"meat... so much meat.... I'm sweating meat..."
now those are some happy, meat filled mouths if I've ever heard any! Are you really still sitting there, meatless and cocoonless?? Get down to your nearest MEAT store and force 18 of them into your gob at once!!! Go!!!!
*Meat is used as a general term.
----------
CHU CHUUUU! There's a train pulling into the station and it's loaded with fresh, hot, delicious flavor! All aboard for Chu Chu Meat Cocoons, the most exciting innovation in food-like products since aerosol cheese.
We ALL crave the sweet siren song of emulsified, formed, pressed, dyed, pasteurized, homogenized, irradiated meat-product slurry, but it's so messy! That's where Chu Chu Meat scientists went to work to use nature's perfect container of carrion slurry, THE COCOON!
Now thousands of these delicious, "nutritious", pods of mouth-watering goodness can travel great distances to arrive at your front door in unmarked, unrefrigerated burlap sacks.
"What are those?" Your only friend will ask, as you cram our Meat Cocoons into your sparsely toothed maw with both hands. You should get new friends, because that one askes too many questions.
You can use Chu Chu Meat Cocoons to grease machinery, clean rust off steel, weed your garden, ward off predators, cut vegetables, scrub toilets, and they're still hot and ready to eat! Special dietary concerns are NOT A PROBLEM! Chu Chu Meat Cocoons are Gluten free, soy free, lactose free, sugar free, preservative free, meat free, and hypoallergenic; perfect for the diabetic-lactose intolerant-Vegan with Celia's disease and an autoimmune deficiency in your life!
Can they please your wife? BETTER! Leave your wife and marry Chu Chu Meat Cocoons! They won't judge you. STOP READING, YOU COULD BE EATING!
(Second infomercial blurb is courtesy of my father)
PRIZES:
1. Pony Island
2. The Stanley Parable
3. Just get whatever you want
4. FTL
5. Be a character in Lasers comic