Trainwreck

1. Say that you have to attend to your suicidal cousin. Alternatively, get Rico to deal with your suicidal cousin, then slip away while he's busy with that.
2. Fear not, Solaris! Señor Saguaro will save you from the flames! Somehow!

1. Run ana!
2. But flesh crackling is such a wonderful sound!

Yes. Running is a bueno idea. And you got just the plan to do that.

"Uh, Rico," you interrupt midway through a move that looked more like sexual harassment than a dance maneuver.

"¿Siiiiiiiii, señor?" Ricardo crooned deeply, vaguely reminding you of an elephant being crushed by a glacier. Slowly. It's like he got stuck halfway between puberty and loserdom. God.

"Well, I hate to interrupt." But wanted to do it so much. "But I have a bit of problem."

"¿Cual es tu problema?" Ricardo widened his eyes, allowing you to see his concern and the varicose veins of his sclera.

"Um, I have to take care of my cousin." You tried your best not to make contact with his sweaty Spanish pits. "He's desperate. He's emotional. He's...has a strong desire to toy with death."

"He's a poet?" Ricardo gasped.

"No! He's suicidal."

There was an incredibly dense silence as the revelation descended on you too. It was serious. It was somber. It was awkward as hell. I mean, your cousin is always kind of problem. Your long-dead parents are disappointed in him. Hell, even you are disappointed in him. As you could see, the mere mention of your self-destructive blood relative is often enough to eradicate the world of joys.

"I'm sorry," Ricardo spoke. And for the first time ever, you were thankful he managed to break the quietude with his silly Spanish accent.

"No, no it's fine," you waved an apologetic hand. "It's not your fault."

"He had so much potential...and he wasted it all on nothing."

"Yeah." You could only say. "Yeah, he had some..."

The pitter patter of the centurion feet grew louder and louder. When you snapped out of your doldrums, you realized it was too late. Your eyes widen at the sheer numbers of the ancient Italians and how ridiculous their ceremonial clothes are (seriously man that is way too much gold for your tastes) and there is that Emperor...

wait.

Oh my god, the Emperor looks like your suicidal cousin.

---

Meanwhile, Solaris's room was slowly filling up with the black choking smell of immolation and pain. He guessed if he kind of used his imagination, the crackling of his own fleshmeat did sounded musical. He would have danced to it but he was trying not to die of carbon monoxide for now.

"Sombero. Sombero. Sombero..."

Is that someone or is all the toxic fumes going into his brain? Being a skeptic, Solaris would have hedged his bets on the latter (if he was not dying of fire). Fortunately for him, it was the definitely the former as an incredibly gross-looking man covered in green body paint and toothpicks came barging in.

"SANGRIA!"

Suddenly, a tremendous amount of Spanish booze came tumbling onto him, leaving Solaris gasping and fire-free. The flameless victim gasped at his safety and his eyes, red and blinded with fermented grape juice peered at the vaguely racist Mexican stereotype that was his savior.

Solaris squinted. "Who are you?"

"I AM SEÑOR SAGUARO!" The sombrero-wearing freak of nature declared proudly.

Solaris tilted his head. "Uh, why are you naked?"

1. HOW WILL TERRENCE REACT TO HIS COUSIN EMPEROR?
2. WHAT DOES THE COUSIN EMPEROR WANT WITH TERRENCE?
3. HOW WOULD SOLARIS REACT TO THE NAKED CACTUS MAN IN HIS ROOM?