RE: The Damnable Fisticuffs
09-18-2012, 04:15 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-21-2012, 03:08 AM by Dragon Fogel.)
The Egotist had made his choices. Naturally, they were the best ones.
He snapped his fingers, and the lights went out.
"Apparently this reality can't keep my commands straight," he muttered. He clapped his hands instead, and the chosen combatants appeared before him.
"That's more like it," he said to himself. Then he prepared to speak to his captive audience.
"Greetings! You may be wondering where you are and what you're doing here. Well, that's simple enough. I'm holding the greatest battle of all time, and you're all going to fight in it. You can thank me later for the privilege of being a part of it."
Wow, Aaron's really hamming it up, Harold thought. I'm jealous, at least he gets to play a different role each time.
"Before that, however, I should introduce you all to each other." A spotlight appeared from nowhere and illuminated Harold. "First, we have Harold Sharpe. He may look like a simple bearded swordsman, but don't be fooled: he's been in seven of these battles before, and he's won every single one of them. Of course, they weren't as good as mine will be; this one, I'm sure, will be a more suitable challenge."
Yep, starting with me. Again. Oh well, at least now I get to find out who else is in it.
A second spotlight rose and revealed a dozen soldiers riding bears.
"Next, we have the Elite Russian Bear Cavalry. These twelve brave men ride their possibly-immortal bears in the name of the Czar, even after the Russian monarchy fell. They are fiercely loyal to Mother Russia, and their bears are simply fierce. They also love their vodka."
These guys must be the comic relief. They'll be out by Round Three at the latest. Plus most of them are just extras anyways, always happens with the big groups.
Another spotlight rose, revealing a large antlike creature.
"And here we have Nurrkel the Fifth, a V'kkrn of the nrKk'V. That's with a capital V, very important to remember. Ve - again, capital V, don't use a small one - is quite the schemer, and that body is also much stronger than a human's. You should be careful around Ver."
There's always a monster. I'm probably supposed to act like she... sorry, Ve... is obviously terrible, and then Ve turns out to be a nice giant ant, maybe dies heroically saving me from the villain. Could go either way, really.
The next spotlight revealed an ordinary guy.
"This unassuming fellow is Dout, the God of Skepticism. Of course, he'll tell you he isn't, and in fact that this entire battle isn't happening because it's clearly impossible. Don't expect magic to work too well on him."
I know how this is going to work. He starts out friendly, ends up being a bad guy. Probably the main villain in the second half, after I take out the obvious one.
The fifth spotlight was blindingly bright.
"Oh, my apologies. Let me shrink that to a more manageable size for the moment."
With a wave of his hand, the light dimmed and revealed a miniature city.
"This is Super Robo City. It is populated entirely by robots, most of whom despise organics. It used to be the second round of another, less interesting battle. Then a lesser Grandmaster claimed it for his own purposes and was going to hold a round there, but that didn't work out. I decided that I could put it to better use than him. Oh, yes, to be clear on one point; it will be full-sized when the battle actually starts."
Okay, these guys are going to be the schemers. Early on we'll see 'em plotting, occasionally they'll send a robot out... probably Round Four will be when I take 'em out, fighting through a whole army of robots. I bet I'll start thinking of the robots as humans just before the end, and make peace, then Dout pulls the plug and establishes himself as the real villain here.
The sixth spotlight revealed a large butterfly made entirely out of tulips.
"Next we have Tulip Johnson. She appears to be a very confused spirit possessing a flower arrangement. She's determined to win the prize, even if she doesn't remember exactly what it's a prize for. Oh, and you may want to bear in mind the Butterfly Effect around her."
Okay, she's totally the fake comic relief. Partway through I get her to remember who she was and she helps me out. I hope they don't turn her human and make her the love interest, though; that would be overplayed even for this series.
The seventh spotlight shone on an armored car.
"This vehicle houses the 24-7 Gang, a notorious family of bank robbers who have made a career out of it. They work on commiting crimes twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and they're very good at it. No doubt being pulled into another dimension will not slow down their crime spree at all."
Comic relief villains. They'll spend the first round or two being manipulated by Robo City, I bet. If they last longer, Dout might use them to do his dirty work. But nah, they'll totally be out in Round Two or Three, probably when Robo City turns on them.
The final spotlight turned on, revealing a stylishly-dressed man.
"Say hello to Ventriloquist. He may look like an ordinary human, but don't be fooled; he was created in a laboratory, and he has the power to steal mouths. And he steals minds along with them. He can also switch his own body parts around, including the mouths he's stolen."
Hmm, tough read here. Don't think he's going to be yet another villain, though; we've already got one obvious and two likely ones. I might be on his tail for, say, half of Round One, then he'll be my sidekick until he dies. Probably in the second half.
"Well, now. I hope you remembered my explanations; my time is far too valuable to spend it on repeating myself. And now it's time for the first round."
With a wave of the Egotist's hands, the contestants vanished, and then reappeared in front of a large castle.
"Welcome, fighters, to the Kingdom of Giam! They are the most magically-advanced nation in the world, a reputation which has only been enhanced with the aid of the Elements stored within their castle. For some time now, they've been at war with the neighboring Kingdom of Nescin, which has the most advanced technology on this world. As you might guess, then, the Giamites will not take kindly to the sight of any unfamiliar technology, believing it to be of Nescinian origin. Enjoy yourselves!"
And with that, everyone was transported once more, spread throughout the kingdom.
The Damnable Fisticuffs had begun.
He snapped his fingers, and the lights went out.
"Apparently this reality can't keep my commands straight," he muttered. He clapped his hands instead, and the chosen combatants appeared before him.
"That's more like it," he said to himself. Then he prepared to speak to his captive audience.
"Greetings! You may be wondering where you are and what you're doing here. Well, that's simple enough. I'm holding the greatest battle of all time, and you're all going to fight in it. You can thank me later for the privilege of being a part of it."
Wow, Aaron's really hamming it up, Harold thought. I'm jealous, at least he gets to play a different role each time.
"Before that, however, I should introduce you all to each other." A spotlight appeared from nowhere and illuminated Harold. "First, we have Harold Sharpe. He may look like a simple bearded swordsman, but don't be fooled: he's been in seven of these battles before, and he's won every single one of them. Of course, they weren't as good as mine will be; this one, I'm sure, will be a more suitable challenge."
Yep, starting with me. Again. Oh well, at least now I get to find out who else is in it.
A second spotlight rose and revealed a dozen soldiers riding bears.
"Next, we have the Elite Russian Bear Cavalry. These twelve brave men ride their possibly-immortal bears in the name of the Czar, even after the Russian monarchy fell. They are fiercely loyal to Mother Russia, and their bears are simply fierce. They also love their vodka."
These guys must be the comic relief. They'll be out by Round Three at the latest. Plus most of them are just extras anyways, always happens with the big groups.
Another spotlight rose, revealing a large antlike creature.
"And here we have Nurrkel the Fifth, a V'kkrn of the nrKk'V. That's with a capital V, very important to remember. Ve - again, capital V, don't use a small one - is quite the schemer, and that body is also much stronger than a human's. You should be careful around Ver."
There's always a monster. I'm probably supposed to act like she... sorry, Ve... is obviously terrible, and then Ve turns out to be a nice giant ant, maybe dies heroically saving me from the villain. Could go either way, really.
The next spotlight revealed an ordinary guy.
"This unassuming fellow is Dout, the God of Skepticism. Of course, he'll tell you he isn't, and in fact that this entire battle isn't happening because it's clearly impossible. Don't expect magic to work too well on him."
I know how this is going to work. He starts out friendly, ends up being a bad guy. Probably the main villain in the second half, after I take out the obvious one.
The fifth spotlight was blindingly bright.
"Oh, my apologies. Let me shrink that to a more manageable size for the moment."
With a wave of his hand, the light dimmed and revealed a miniature city.
"This is Super Robo City. It is populated entirely by robots, most of whom despise organics. It used to be the second round of another, less interesting battle. Then a lesser Grandmaster claimed it for his own purposes and was going to hold a round there, but that didn't work out. I decided that I could put it to better use than him. Oh, yes, to be clear on one point; it will be full-sized when the battle actually starts."
Okay, these guys are going to be the schemers. Early on we'll see 'em plotting, occasionally they'll send a robot out... probably Round Four will be when I take 'em out, fighting through a whole army of robots. I bet I'll start thinking of the robots as humans just before the end, and make peace, then Dout pulls the plug and establishes himself as the real villain here.
The sixth spotlight revealed a large butterfly made entirely out of tulips.
"Next we have Tulip Johnson. She appears to be a very confused spirit possessing a flower arrangement. She's determined to win the prize, even if she doesn't remember exactly what it's a prize for. Oh, and you may want to bear in mind the Butterfly Effect around her."
Okay, she's totally the fake comic relief. Partway through I get her to remember who she was and she helps me out. I hope they don't turn her human and make her the love interest, though; that would be overplayed even for this series.
The seventh spotlight shone on an armored car.
"This vehicle houses the 24-7 Gang, a notorious family of bank robbers who have made a career out of it. They work on commiting crimes twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and they're very good at it. No doubt being pulled into another dimension will not slow down their crime spree at all."
Comic relief villains. They'll spend the first round or two being manipulated by Robo City, I bet. If they last longer, Dout might use them to do his dirty work. But nah, they'll totally be out in Round Two or Three, probably when Robo City turns on them.
The final spotlight turned on, revealing a stylishly-dressed man.
"Say hello to Ventriloquist. He may look like an ordinary human, but don't be fooled; he was created in a laboratory, and he has the power to steal mouths. And he steals minds along with them. He can also switch his own body parts around, including the mouths he's stolen."
Hmm, tough read here. Don't think he's going to be yet another villain, though; we've already got one obvious and two likely ones. I might be on his tail for, say, half of Round One, then he'll be my sidekick until he dies. Probably in the second half.
"Well, now. I hope you remembered my explanations; my time is far too valuable to spend it on repeating myself. And now it's time for the first round."
With a wave of the Egotist's hands, the contestants vanished, and then reappeared in front of a large castle.
"Welcome, fighters, to the Kingdom of Giam! They are the most magically-advanced nation in the world, a reputation which has only been enhanced with the aid of the Elements stored within their castle. For some time now, they've been at war with the neighboring Kingdom of Nescin, which has the most advanced technology on this world. As you might guess, then, the Giamites will not take kindly to the sight of any unfamiliar technology, believing it to be of Nescinian origin. Enjoy yourselves!"
And with that, everyone was transported once more, spread throughout the kingdom.
The Damnable Fisticuffs had begun.