RE: Otaku Melee - Steelport
09-02-2012, 03:21 AM
A silence settled over the area as the officers and Deckers stared at the now distinctly purple and armless Kryptonian.
As the dropped cop staggered to his feet, hanging onto one of his allies, he mumbled a thank you to the Wizard, who responded primarily by cringing and holding his staff in front of him. One of the handcuffed hackers piped up with a "'ey, is that guy a Saint?"
One of the policemen scratched his head. "...Well, he is purple." Another quickly chimed in with "Well, he's purple, but he's wearing red. Maybe he's Morningstar. We'll need to do a background check." At this, Eggplant let out a little "eep," before another Decker finally pointed something out:
"Wait, this bloke doesn't look too human. Maybe he's one of them costume chaps?"
The policemen nodded in general; one of them headed over and gently tapped the Wizard on what might charitably have been called a shoulder; the response was another yelp and further cringing. The cop held out his hand in a gesture of peace. "It's alright, kid, you aren't under arrest. You just saved an officer's life. Where you from, anyway?"
Eggplant blinked, then slowly lowered his staff and cleared his throat. "Uh, I'm from Mount Icarus, sir. Uh, Angel Land." In response to the policeman's blank stare, he continued, "Um... i-in Videoland? Are we not there?"
After a brief moment of silence, allowing Eggplant to further regret his entire life and consider hiding in the dumpster again, one of the other policemen snapped his fingers. "Right! Videoland's that new theme park opening just out of town, right? And you're promoting the log flume or a roller coaster or something?"
The Wizard considered arguing, but decided that this was the simplest way to avoid anything bad happening. "Right, yeah! So if you'll just let me get going, I have flyers to hand out." He attempted to briskly walk away, but was stopped.
"Hang on, kid. You should go see the Chief. Come with me."
He and the policeman quickly piled into a squad car with a couple cuffed Deckers, leaving behind the transformed Superman.
One of the remaining lawmen shrugged. "Guess we should get this guy to a hospital or something, eh?"
--------
The Steelport Chief of Police's office was notable for three things. One was the frankly astonishing amount of discarded liquor bottles on and around his desk; second, a series of pictures featuring the Chief and the Mayor, telling a loose timeline - the former's expression starting as adulation, then determination, then anger, and finally a mix of resignation and disgust. And finally, the pile of battered computer parts next to the desk, and the golf club next to them.
There was a knock on the door, which greatly irritated the Chief, as the only thing he found less palatable than the abject misery and pointlessness of his job was the fact that once in a while he was expected to actually pretend to still care. After downing a shot of bourbon, he let out a terse, slurred "What the fuck is it" before pouring himself some more.
Had this been an old cartoon, perhaps made in the mid fifties, he would likely have pointedly taken his bottle of booze and dropped it on the ground upon seeing the cyclopean vegetable-man sheepishly enter his room, escorted by Ron Vanovitch. Rather than being amazed by the sheer bizarreness of the creature now before him, the Chief, numbed by (as an example) the fact that literal fucking masked wrestlers controlled a good fifth of the city and had recently smashed open an armored car with Unmentionable Objects, simply leaned forward and sighed. "Alright, who the hell are you?"
Eggplant Wizard cleared his throat. "Uh, my name is Eggplant Wizard, sir, you can call me Eggy, and, well, it seems I saved one of your subordinates."
The Chief raised an eyebrow. "Your point being, mister Wizard?"
And it was at this point that, as only happened rarely, the Wizard had an intelligent thought: here he had a broken man, a broken department, but one with manpower and weapons training. With sufficient equipment, they might be able to make actual progress - or, at least, it might seem like they were long enough for them to get a bit sloppy, give him a tad too much leeway, until eventually he had managed to gain control of the entire city of Steelport.
Had he the biology necessary, he would have been sweating madly; but instead, he merely swallowed hard, did his best to hold back the shakes, and said, in the most confident voice he could muster, "Point being, I can help you take back this town, sir."
The response was an exasperated sigh. "Trust me, kid, if STAG can't, we can't. What do we have that can compete with goddamned lasers?"
At this the aubergine grinned and quickly produced some produce; more specifically a tremendous, hollowed-out squash. He grinned as he opened a window, then pulled the trigger, launching a smaller exploding gourd at an emptier part of the station's parking area, creating a violent and tremendous explosion that coated the surrounding area with seeds and pumpkin meat. "I don't know who STAG is, but I don't think they have that, sir."
For the briefest moment, there was a glimmer in the Chief of Police's eyes, albeit matched with a general expression of complete and utter bemusement.
As the dropped cop staggered to his feet, hanging onto one of his allies, he mumbled a thank you to the Wizard, who responded primarily by cringing and holding his staff in front of him. One of the handcuffed hackers piped up with a "'ey, is that guy a Saint?"
One of the policemen scratched his head. "...Well, he is purple." Another quickly chimed in with "Well, he's purple, but he's wearing red. Maybe he's Morningstar. We'll need to do a background check." At this, Eggplant let out a little "eep," before another Decker finally pointed something out:
"Wait, this bloke doesn't look too human. Maybe he's one of them costume chaps?"
The policemen nodded in general; one of them headed over and gently tapped the Wizard on what might charitably have been called a shoulder; the response was another yelp and further cringing. The cop held out his hand in a gesture of peace. "It's alright, kid, you aren't under arrest. You just saved an officer's life. Where you from, anyway?"
Eggplant blinked, then slowly lowered his staff and cleared his throat. "Uh, I'm from Mount Icarus, sir. Uh, Angel Land." In response to the policeman's blank stare, he continued, "Um... i-in Videoland? Are we not there?"
After a brief moment of silence, allowing Eggplant to further regret his entire life and consider hiding in the dumpster again, one of the other policemen snapped his fingers. "Right! Videoland's that new theme park opening just out of town, right? And you're promoting the log flume or a roller coaster or something?"
The Wizard considered arguing, but decided that this was the simplest way to avoid anything bad happening. "Right, yeah! So if you'll just let me get going, I have flyers to hand out." He attempted to briskly walk away, but was stopped.
"Hang on, kid. You should go see the Chief. Come with me."
He and the policeman quickly piled into a squad car with a couple cuffed Deckers, leaving behind the transformed Superman.
One of the remaining lawmen shrugged. "Guess we should get this guy to a hospital or something, eh?"
--------
The Steelport Chief of Police's office was notable for three things. One was the frankly astonishing amount of discarded liquor bottles on and around his desk; second, a series of pictures featuring the Chief and the Mayor, telling a loose timeline - the former's expression starting as adulation, then determination, then anger, and finally a mix of resignation and disgust. And finally, the pile of battered computer parts next to the desk, and the golf club next to them.
There was a knock on the door, which greatly irritated the Chief, as the only thing he found less palatable than the abject misery and pointlessness of his job was the fact that once in a while he was expected to actually pretend to still care. After downing a shot of bourbon, he let out a terse, slurred "What the fuck is it" before pouring himself some more.
Had this been an old cartoon, perhaps made in the mid fifties, he would likely have pointedly taken his bottle of booze and dropped it on the ground upon seeing the cyclopean vegetable-man sheepishly enter his room, escorted by Ron Vanovitch. Rather than being amazed by the sheer bizarreness of the creature now before him, the Chief, numbed by (as an example) the fact that literal fucking masked wrestlers controlled a good fifth of the city and had recently smashed open an armored car with Unmentionable Objects, simply leaned forward and sighed. "Alright, who the hell are you?"
Eggplant Wizard cleared his throat. "Uh, my name is Eggplant Wizard, sir, you can call me Eggy, and, well, it seems I saved one of your subordinates."
The Chief raised an eyebrow. "Your point being, mister Wizard?"
And it was at this point that, as only happened rarely, the Wizard had an intelligent thought: here he had a broken man, a broken department, but one with manpower and weapons training. With sufficient equipment, they might be able to make actual progress - or, at least, it might seem like they were long enough for them to get a bit sloppy, give him a tad too much leeway, until eventually he had managed to gain control of the entire city of Steelport.
Had he the biology necessary, he would have been sweating madly; but instead, he merely swallowed hard, did his best to hold back the shakes, and said, in the most confident voice he could muster, "Point being, I can help you take back this town, sir."
The response was an exasperated sigh. "Trust me, kid, if STAG can't, we can't. What do we have that can compete with goddamned lasers?"
At this the aubergine grinned and quickly produced some produce; more specifically a tremendous, hollowed-out squash. He grinned as he opened a window, then pulled the trigger, launching a smaller exploding gourd at an emptier part of the station's parking area, creating a violent and tremendous explosion that coated the surrounding area with seeds and pumpkin meat. "I don't know who STAG is, but I don't think they have that, sir."
For the briefest moment, there was a glimmer in the Chief of Police's eyes, albeit matched with a general expression of complete and utter bemusement.