RE: The thread for flipping shits (and tables)
08-16-2012, 06:11 PM
To those I have not seen in a while, hi. To those I have seen during what I innocently term "a while", hi too.
I am sat here with a piece of paper beside me that tells me I now have four A-Levels to my name - two A*, two A. I don't think I need to translate for those outside of Blighty that this is a fucking fantastic outcome, but in case I do, AAB is the point at which universities here start tempting you with £2,000 scholarships. As in, you only took your fourth subject to the halfway AS point, as is traditional, then got A's in the subjects most relevant to your university course and then a B in something that may well have been tangentally related. In my case, I didn't drop German and I got an A in it. It might as well have been an A*, in fact, because I was unexpectedly close to achieving such.
The other A was in Further Maths. Therefore, by Oxford's obstinately immutable criteria, I have failed to reach the terms of my offer. We specifically asked for the A* in Further Maths, not normal Maths, nor in Physics for that matter. Thank you for your application, good luck in your future academic career, no you can't appeal but we respect your determination, none of the three other colleges you managed to get interviews at will be interested in you without that A* even though your unusually high demand during the interview period reflects ridiculously well by the reckoning of everyone in the know, no I don't particularly care that you're spurting out your module scores to show you've nailed every single exam bar the summer set and so would squeeze in had you not bombed a single paper that you still managed to get the equivalent of a B in regardless because without that A* you have not got that place now fuck off.
Oh, of course you can pay the savagely extortionate remark fees. Your marks may go down as well as up, but because of the way the scores are spread, there's only the slimmest of chances that you'll make up the loss, even if you re-jig the certification order to put your best scores in the A2 slots like your exam board was supposed to do in the first place. Bear in mind, however, that that one paper you got a cracking score in was AS only and so cannot count toward an A*, which is of course 90% average over your A2 modules. Yes, we understand you didn't particularly want to take that module in the first place and would have much rather picked an A2 module that you know you would have done even better in; pity you weren't able to, now fuck off.
What's that? Oh, you've had a chinwag with your teacher and given your track record, you can only conclude that the pressure resultant from being the only student of your sixth form's Oxbridge candidates who needed an A* as part of their offer, especially because it has been shown to be the hardest A* to get out of all the A-Levels, may well have cracked you during that one cruelly timetabled exam? How nice, but you don't have that A*. Did you know that it's the first year we've ever asked for A* grades as part of our offers? Oh, you did? Anyway, you've more than surpassed your insurance offer, and getting into Durham is something to be proud of in itself (though don't let the remarks take too long, otherwise they might get impatient and turn you away). With your grades, you could even go back into the process and try and snag something else if you're not content with it. Except for the place here that you wanted, that is. By the way, despite you having suggested that you'd be more than happy to resit everything you got under 90% in (that wouldn't take you long, obviously), we wouldn't be prepared to hold your place open for you for the year you'd need to do so, what with the particular travesty of a B having been achieved in a paper you can only sit in the summer. You'd have to reapply. Despite our official statement on the matter saying that a second application will not be treated any differently to the first, my tone of voice reserves the right to judge you, plus you'll still have to explain why you didn't do well enough the first time around. Now fuck off.
...well, the lady on the other end of the phone never explicitly told me to fuck off, though I like to imagine her hands were saying otherwise as I so selfishly clung on to the line. By the standards of any sane and reasonable person, I should be tickled pink with the quality of my results and snap up the place on the Durham course forthwith, chalking it down to Oxford's loss like all the others who settle into there under similar circumstances. Heck, it's a wonderful place and I know I'll be happy there. I just fear I won't be content with the knowledge that I should be somewhere else. But if it's practically the same course, how can I turn it down? (oh yeah, it'll cost me considerably more and the distance is a bugger and oh gog the money those are things)
The alternative is remaining here for another year trying my hardest not to languish and rot, holding out hope that I can snag a place next year. Admittedly there are a handful of fairly substantial reasons why this is potentially a rather attractive proposition and in the grander scheme of things a year is a wait worth holding on for as long as it is not wasted. I simply squander my own freedom, force myself to remain attached to this wearisome grockle-haven for slightly longer than I'd like and postpone moving on with my life due to an overall lack of change liable to bore me out of my mind if I don't play it right. Hmph.
Thank goodness I have a fortnight to decide. That is a boon for which I am so inexpressibly grateful. Now if you'll excuse me, I am supposed to be out celebrating shortly; now I know roughly what my life is going to attempt to do with me, I think I can probably afford to start living the damned thing again. It'll be more fun, for starters.
I am sat here with a piece of paper beside me that tells me I now have four A-Levels to my name - two A*, two A. I don't think I need to translate for those outside of Blighty that this is a fucking fantastic outcome, but in case I do, AAB is the point at which universities here start tempting you with £2,000 scholarships. As in, you only took your fourth subject to the halfway AS point, as is traditional, then got A's in the subjects most relevant to your university course and then a B in something that may well have been tangentally related. In my case, I didn't drop German and I got an A in it. It might as well have been an A*, in fact, because I was unexpectedly close to achieving such.
The other A was in Further Maths. Therefore, by Oxford's obstinately immutable criteria, I have failed to reach the terms of my offer. We specifically asked for the A* in Further Maths, not normal Maths, nor in Physics for that matter. Thank you for your application, good luck in your future academic career, no you can't appeal but we respect your determination, none of the three other colleges you managed to get interviews at will be interested in you without that A* even though your unusually high demand during the interview period reflects ridiculously well by the reckoning of everyone in the know, no I don't particularly care that you're spurting out your module scores to show you've nailed every single exam bar the summer set and so would squeeze in had you not bombed a single paper that you still managed to get the equivalent of a B in regardless because without that A* you have not got that place now fuck off.
Oh, of course you can pay the savagely extortionate remark fees. Your marks may go down as well as up, but because of the way the scores are spread, there's only the slimmest of chances that you'll make up the loss, even if you re-jig the certification order to put your best scores in the A2 slots like your exam board was supposed to do in the first place. Bear in mind, however, that that one paper you got a cracking score in was AS only and so cannot count toward an A*, which is of course 90% average over your A2 modules. Yes, we understand you didn't particularly want to take that module in the first place and would have much rather picked an A2 module that you know you would have done even better in; pity you weren't able to, now fuck off.
What's that? Oh, you've had a chinwag with your teacher and given your track record, you can only conclude that the pressure resultant from being the only student of your sixth form's Oxbridge candidates who needed an A* as part of their offer, especially because it has been shown to be the hardest A* to get out of all the A-Levels, may well have cracked you during that one cruelly timetabled exam? How nice, but you don't have that A*. Did you know that it's the first year we've ever asked for A* grades as part of our offers? Oh, you did? Anyway, you've more than surpassed your insurance offer, and getting into Durham is something to be proud of in itself (though don't let the remarks take too long, otherwise they might get impatient and turn you away). With your grades, you could even go back into the process and try and snag something else if you're not content with it. Except for the place here that you wanted, that is. By the way, despite you having suggested that you'd be more than happy to resit everything you got under 90% in (that wouldn't take you long, obviously), we wouldn't be prepared to hold your place open for you for the year you'd need to do so, what with the particular travesty of a B having been achieved in a paper you can only sit in the summer. You'd have to reapply. Despite our official statement on the matter saying that a second application will not be treated any differently to the first, my tone of voice reserves the right to judge you, plus you'll still have to explain why you didn't do well enough the first time around. Now fuck off.
...well, the lady on the other end of the phone never explicitly told me to fuck off, though I like to imagine her hands were saying otherwise as I so selfishly clung on to the line. By the standards of any sane and reasonable person, I should be tickled pink with the quality of my results and snap up the place on the Durham course forthwith, chalking it down to Oxford's loss like all the others who settle into there under similar circumstances. Heck, it's a wonderful place and I know I'll be happy there. I just fear I won't be content with the knowledge that I should be somewhere else. But if it's practically the same course, how can I turn it down? (oh yeah, it'll cost me considerably more and the distance is a bugger and oh gog the money those are things)
The alternative is remaining here for another year trying my hardest not to languish and rot, holding out hope that I can snag a place next year. Admittedly there are a handful of fairly substantial reasons why this is potentially a rather attractive proposition and in the grander scheme of things a year is a wait worth holding on for as long as it is not wasted. I simply squander my own freedom, force myself to remain attached to this wearisome grockle-haven for slightly longer than I'd like and postpone moving on with my life due to an overall lack of change liable to bore me out of my mind if I don't play it right. Hmph.
Thank goodness I have a fortnight to decide. That is a boon for which I am so inexpressibly grateful. Now if you'll excuse me, I am supposed to be out celebrating shortly; now I know roughly what my life is going to attempt to do with me, I think I can probably afford to start living the damned thing again. It'll be more fun, for starters.