Adventures in CS-112: earthexe Takes an Introductory Computer Science Class

So, let me first describe my first day, when I first got a taste as to what this appointment every Monday through Thursday at 9 AM has to offer.

I was a bit sleepy that day, as I had just finished moving into my new apartment, and I wasn't all that used to waking up this early in the morning. But it didn't really hurt all that much, since we were just talking about syllabus things, and what the textbook was called. The professor hadn't listed it on the school website because they didn't know how, which is always a good sign for someone with a PhD in computer science to be teaching a course. It was somewhere around 30 dollars, and I decided to go buy it at the bookstore later that evening, as I couldn't find it elsewhere for cheaper.

In my drowsy early morning stupor, still ill with a cold I had caught earlier in the week, I saw something in the corner of my eye, that was unique in the room. I had never seen this anywhere else in my life, nor anywhere else in the room - what I saw was the spitting image of a fedoraman with his laptop open, scrolling through a particular image board with a white and red color scheme, in class. I couldn't see what he was typing, but at one point, he opened up a new tab to Encyclopedia Dramatica, copied a section of the Tumblr article, and pasted it there, as if with a sense of purpose. And then he made a rage comic.



Never have I been so fascinated in my life. This man looked as if he were pulled directly from his mother's basement, and put here as part of a museum exhibit. Normally, I would hate to make fun of the guy, or any human being, but there was one, vital difference between what you see in the bestiary and what we had here.

This man was very, very vocal.

I tried to ignore him, but before too long, he grew bored of using the school's wifi to browse memes, and turned to his neigbor to ask a question, namely, "Have you ever used 4chan before?" As if he were looking for more of his own kind. It's a gesture of goodwill, and I can give him points for at least that - but his neighbor was also very disinterested in the subject, and simply shook his head no, saying "no thanks" and turned back to the paper he had in his hands. Still, the creature persisted. "Really? Not even once?" He seemed almost confused.

His laughs were loud, and pierced the quiet of the classroom as the professor took roll call at a snail's pace. I didn't look to see what he was laughing at, nor did I care. ...but to be fair, I was also using my smartphone to talk to people on discord. I'm pretty sure every student in that room was bored out of their mind.

When class was over, we all got up to leave. Mr. 4chan, is what I will call him, enthusiastically rushed to the door to hold it open for everybody, which would also be a pretty nice gesture if the doors didn't prop open by themselves. Unfortunately, I was among the last to go out, and he followed me as I walked to my next class. We had a brief conversation that went something like this.



I tried to move more quickly to get ahead, but he followed and tried again, with a new line of dialogue.

"Hell yeah, one more class, and then it's lunch time, mmmhm! Or... breakfast, if you're like me. Heh, breakfast, brexit, whatever. Haha! Brexit. Fuck yeah, British independence day!"

I didn't respond; soon enough I escaped and sat down in my next class, which was much more enjoyable. My deepest darkest fear is that I might in any way resemble this man. I look at myself in the mirror at home, and see many signifying features, which include square glasses, a Hawaiian shirt, and an unshaven beard on my neck - but then I remembered that I actually dislike Deadpool, the logo of which was proudly emblazoned on his backpack. I was relieved, until I realized I would be spending the rest of the quarter in a class with him, and probably several more over the next two years, seeing as how we are both computer science majors.

For my first class period ever at this college, it certainly wasn't making all that great of an impression on me.