Post making contest 5.0

This is episode #5.

*angry mumblings and stomach grumblings* WHY DO I EVEN HAVE A BODY

• It is turn 60 everyone is astonished that Pyrion has four cities
  
• Duncan: "I'm not sure where to put my fourth... I'm thinking there but there's a lot of desert" FLOODPLAINS. DESERT FLOODPLAINS. THAT'S THE GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE
  
• (okay in actuality the way he plopped his third city too close to his cap means there's no great way of putting another in the northern desert that doesn't really infringe on Ben - it would have been better, as aforementioned, to have settled Villainous further east and then put a fourth one down on the otherwise unsettled peninsula above Didyouknowher)
  
• like at least they're bothering to talk their borders out but in general none of them are really good at looking at the map
  
• Looking at... Horse Balls, for instance, Ben would have been much better off two cities on that river, one for the copper and salt at the bottom and another a bit east of Horse Balls, maybe even coastal for the dyes? You gotta figure out how you're gonna fill your space guys...
  
• Honor Piety for Lewis? Huh. That's a fun combination.
  
• At least Lewis is capable of settling on a luxury.
  
• Ben: "I went for the pantheon that gives you food and culture from plantations..." Pyrion: "wait, I went for the pantheon that gives you plantations" THERE IS MORE THAN ONE PLANTATION PANTHEON
  
• Duncan is as confused at the settling of Macadamia as I am.
  
• Pyrion is constantly about ten turns of conversation about everyone else because of his devotion to "banter".
  
• WAIT DUNCAN HAS DESERT FOLKLORE AND HASN'T GOT A RELIGION YET WHAT
  
• a twenty-one turn library out of Horse Balls huh
  
• Sjin: "What the fuck why am I so low (on the scoreboard?)" UHHHHHH
  
• Pyrion: "How many cities do you have?" Sjin: "Three." Pyrion: "Have you founded a religion?" Sjin: "No." Pyrion: "Have you built any wonders?" Sjin: "No."
  
• Lewis: "So I get triple gold from killing barb camps, so if you shoot it, Ben, and let me clear it, I'll give you half." Ben: "Okay" *shoots camp* Lewis: "Right, I'm at 319... and now I'm at 377, so, what? You can check my gold. That didn't give me anywhere near triple, so apparently that doesn't work. I'm just going to give you 50 gold anyway, because that felt shit."
  
• OKIE DOKIE IT'S TIME FOR SOME BASIC ARITHMETIC
  
• Amount of gold you get for clearing a barbarian camp on standard speed: 25 gold
  
• Amount of gold you get for clearing a barbarian camp as the Songhai on standard speed: 25 x 3 = 75 gold
  
• Quick speed is 2/3rds of standard speed, so all values are scaled accordingly
  
• Amount of gold you get for clearing a barbarian camp as the Songhai on quick speed: 75 * 2/3 = 50 gold
  
• Amount of gold you get for killing a unit with the NQMod Honour policy that gives you gold from kills: the strength of the unit killed up to a cap of 30
  
• Strength of a barbarian brute: 8
  
• Amount of gold you get for clearing a barbarian camp containing a brute as the Songhai on quick speed: 50 + 8 = 58 gold
  
• 377 - 319 = 58
  
• AREN'T YOU GLAD I WROTE ALL THAT OUT AT LENGTH, HUH?
  
• see Ben has been "forced" to settle the tundra hill just up the coast from Lewis WITH PROPER FORWARD PLANNING YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS
  
• okay we've just crossed the ten minute mark I am going to brace myself
  
• (brace brace it's the new regime)
  
• *aww*
  
• (I actually really like "whose-ranium" jokes just fyi)
  
• Lewis: "I did actually lose money of that camp you know. I got 45 gold from it and I gave you 50" AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
  
• Rythian: "What's the best tile to place an academy on?" WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THI- wait no of course we haven't I have interacted with you a grand total of once and that was about tile assignment AI not academy placement
  
• (the answer is still "flat grassland in single player and camps/pasture resources in multiplayer")
  
• BUT NOT ON A RESOURELESS HILL NOPE NOPE NOPE
  
• why is Pyrion building the Colossus in a 3 pop city
  
• he got beaten to it by Sjin the very next turn go figure
  
• RIGHT OKAY I FINALLY GET TO SEE THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS PEOPLE CHOSE
  
• Lewis went for Pagodas and improved temples which are both great but he chose Ceremonial Burial as his follower belief? +1 happiness for every two cities following his religion is fine and meshes well with the initial suggestions he made of spreading his religion everywhere, but now he's saying he doesn't want to spread to Ben? Why?
  
• Pyrion took Interfaith Dialogue and Cathedrals as opposed to Tithe and Mosques. Why.
  
• HOW HAS DUNCAN STILL NOT GOT A RELIGION WITH DESERT FOLKLORE IN A DESERT AT TURN 73
  
• Lewis: "I've got 21 happiness all of a sudden, how did that happen?" Rythian: "A golden age?" THAT IS NOT HOW THAT MECHANIC WORKS
  
• Lewis: "Maybe it was because I got allied with this city state?" YES
  
• oh my goodness Rythian is actually using his unique Longship to circumnavigate the pangea someone hold me
  
• (if he could maybe settle more than four cities as Liberty)
  
• sheesh how many tiles did Sjin buy for Macadamia
  
• also now is about thirty turns too late for you to be building your lighthouse given the whole GOD OF THE SEA thing just saying
  
• FINALLY DUNCAN GOT A RELIGION AND TOOK TITHE AND MOSQUES I AM NOW SATISFIED
  
• (kind of)
  
• Sjin has discovered the barbarians on the end of the unsettled peninsula and seems incredibly surprised by their presence, despite the fact he knows he had his cargo ship to Duncan plundered there...
  
• Sjin: "I think I found Tortuga!" PFFTHAHAHAHA

tl;dr - half of these people need schooling in geometry, the other in arithmetic

End of message.