Adventurers plops, ripe for the grabbing

Adventurers plops, ripe for the grabbing
RE: Adventurers plops, ripe for the grabbing
You have haemorrhoids and you have taken the haemorrhoid steroids for an important mission into space but your astronaut pal who is also a pig decided to flush them down the space toilet. Now you cannot hope to do anything about your haemorrhoids. Nice job.

An evil man is running around and robbing food stores of any kind of food that is coloured yellow. He also kills people.

You have the superpower to turn any sausage you touch into a big leech that drinks only and exclusively green cordial. Some fucking use those guys are.

You think that DC and Marvel are both hopelessly stupid but after watching Suicide Squad you have determined that DC will be the first and top priority on your murder list. Adam Sandler the second.

Your arm got bitten off by a magical talking crocodile named Food Fighter. You paid copious amounts of money for the surgery to receive a prosthetic but oh no... IT CAN'T BE! The doctor attached the anus of a giant sea urchin to your arm stump instead. All your property has been repossessed and you are evicted from your household. Now you must go to a Kung Fu tournament and fight all the dudes there to get the top prize. A fist made out of pyrite.... Hey it's not real gold but I'm sure some guy on eBay wants to buy it.
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