Post making contest 5.0

This is episode #1.

I'm tired. I have a headache. I had to interact with people today. But there's a new series of Yogscast civ. So here we go; an extra-grumpy commentary edition. You have been warned.

• oh bless it's patently obvious they've scraped the bottom of the civ battle and have pulled out the ones they've never played
  
• RYTHIAN IS DENMARK
  
• DO YOU REALISE HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME
  
• Sjin: "make Ben be Brazil!" uhh
  
• Ben: "what about Portugal, what do they do?" Sjin: "they win!" uhhhhhh
  
• Sjin: "Be Venice!" Ben: "you literally can't be Venice!" THIS IS TRUE THEY ARE NOT PRESENT IN THE NQMOD
  
• Lewis, playing Songhai: "I don't even know who the Songhai are!"
  
• Lewis, google. Google, Lewis.
  
• HOW MANY OF THESE PEOPLE ARE LEARNING THAT TIMBUKTU IS A REAL PLACE FOR THE FIRST TIME
  
• Lewis: "I always get (Timbuktu) confused with Tipperary" *eye-twitch*
  
• Sjin: "should you move to a hill when that takes you off a river?" Ben: "you should move to a hill that's on a river" um
  
• Sjin, playing Carthage, hearing Ben's "advice", hovers over the NONCOASTAL river hill SJIIIIIIN
  
• see the thing is they've all learnt the idea that settling on a hill is good but none of them know why
  
• how to defeat Ben, the second-most feared player: point out his lisp
  
• oh Rythian your flatland pearl start you poor thing
  
• RYTHIAN'S GAME IMMEDIATELY CRASHED
  
• IT SAW HOW SHIT THAT START WAS AND PROMPTY STALLED
  
• THEY FORGOT TO ENABLE TURN TIMERS
  
• right forget all of the above it was terrible
  
• Lewis: "I had a great start! I had citrus and silver and stone..." Sjin: "Yeah, I had unicorns!"
  
• um guys these are not jokes you are making
  
• BEN YOUR START THAT IS SO BAD FLAT DESERT INCENSE AND FLAT RESOURCELESS TUNDRA AND IF YOU MOVE OFF COAST YOU LOSE YOUR SINGLE WHALE QUICK CRASH YOUR GAME
  
• okay Lewis your settler is not supposed to be able to start on an oasis
  
• RYTHIAN'S GAME CRASHED AGAIN
  
• *insert the passage of time here again*
  
• Lewis: "I had that niche bug where civ crashes when you hit "Load Game"" the sarcasm is dripping like a Dickensian candle
  
• Turn 2: the game has been loaded in seven distinct sessions
  
• ...did Lewis run his settler away from all his bonus resources just to get a river hill?
  
• Sjin, the wonderwhore: "Wonders aren't worth going for"
  
• RYTHIAN'S CITY IS STARVING AT POP ONE WHAT THE ABSOLUTE SHITTING FUCK
  
• JESUS CIV
  
• COPENHAGEN HAS -2 BASE FOOD
  
• HE JUST GOT A POP RUIN
  
• all this reloading killed the game
  
• Sjin: "I think every game's different, you just have to adapt"
  
• make that eight distinct sessions
  
• GAME THREE BEGINS
  
• Duncan, the Iroquois with a forest bias, has no forest in sight this time
  
• I'm so confused
  
• SJIN DON'T SETTLE ON DEER
  
• NOBODY IS CAPABLE OF CONVEYING INFORMATION WITH EACH OTHER I CANNOT EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU GUYS
  
• Sjin: "Reddit's having an orgasm over this conversation"
  
• BASICALLY PYRION SAID "UM 1+1=1?" AND LEWIS REPLIED, IN A MINUTE-LONG ESSAY, "NO YOU DUMB-DUMB 1+1=3"
  
• Duncan: "Rythian, you've got to build some soldiers this time!" Rythian: "I don't know how to do that!" Pyrion: "I couldn't have asked for a better neighbour!"
  
• RYTHIAN IS SALTY THAT BEN CHOSE SWEDEN SO HE WAS FORCED TO PLAY DENMARK INSTEAD MY SIDES
  
• and Ben and Lewis are really close together hmmmmmm
  
• SEVEN TURNS IN EVERYTHING'S STILL WORKING
  
• this time Pyrion "Vapemeister" Flax has the flat desert incense
  
• I haven't understood any of the past minute and that's not just because of the dreadful accents
  
• Lewis: "What've you been doing Sjin?" Sjin: "I've just been building scouts! I don't know where Rythian is yet, but I'm gonna find him soon!"
  
• RYTHIAN SPEAKING IN A DALEK VOICE SAYING "MISLEADING TOOLTIP"

tl;dr - I needed this

End of message.