Destroy the Big Bad

Two
    Change


My customary bedtime reading book hastily shelved, I sat, bewildered, pondering Allanpoe's poetry.
"Something's wrong", I murmured. "Despite Ravenesque timbres, so mesmerizing (the echo

       'nevermore
        nevermore
        nevermore
        nevermore
        nevermore
        nevermore
        ...'

survives, for example), my intellect detects wrongful alteration. This imitation, simulated Raven!..."
I recognized large, arbitrary changes. "Odd", I thought. "Why?" To research, I headed downstairs, muttering softly, "Hmm".
I hastened below carefully, there revisiting my book room. Books inhabited each table, shelf, and nook. Taking Cambridge Literature Treasury and proceeding to "Poetry, Poe's", my fears - oh my God! - heightened. Sighting no Raven but The Dark Bird, severe distress arose. "Absolutely, The Raven is maimed!", I exclaimed. "How?!"
Immediately arriving upstairs, I posited a conspiracy: a literature alteration conspiracy. "Are," I did quietly question, "all writings changed?"

Charge 2

Please stop quoting Poe, what the fuck are you doing.

Spare some change for an old straggler?

It crawled from the sewer, five hands in head, and slumped over on the street.
"Bus fare. Give me bus fare," it vomited, forming the literal, visceral shapes of words on the asphalt.

But I only had two pennies.

Truly, poverty was the biggest bad, I thought, as the five hands in its head shot forth and split apart my windpipe.

Change 3

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SpoilerEdit: Minor text fixes

Is this place reserved for people who escaped the asylum?
What... I don't... fuck it.

cast magic missile 0.25 times

Surprisingly, you're the only one doing something!
That deals a bit of damage, but who the fuck cares anymore!!

I use my 5 charge to grow a pair of legs. Wheeeeee!

AHHHHHHHHHH.

Set up a magic missile cannon that will fire every time someone posts.

Good! Progress!
PROGRESS IS FUCKING GOOD!
helpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpme

THE BIG BAD TAKES ONE DAMAGE!!!!!!11!!

I run around, gaining momentum and spiritual energy!

Charge: 1 / ??

I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE.
HE TAKES ONE DAMAGE!!!!!@@!$!

i graveslam the big bad.

What the FUCK does that mean?
What does that mean?!
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!?

Wh... what's this? A corpse on the street? Disgusting - don't the street cleaners know how to do their job anymore?

It looks like their neck was... oh - gross! Who would - no, wait...

Is it - is it still moving?

I can hear the rasping of its voice, leaking out of its split-apart windpipe, and, oh! Oh! There are hands coming out of its throat, oh, oh no, wh -

"Bus fare. Give me bus fare."

[Change 4]

HOLY SHIT PLEASE END MY SUFFERING
YOU GUYS DID IT
YOU DID IT
YOU DROVE ME INSANE HAHAHAHA
NOW CAN WE STOP
PLEASE

Three
    Of Carrolls


    Jabwocky

Slithy toves, borogove
  Gimbled there all out in strathwabe
Mimified and gyrified,
    A rath is outergrabe.

"Beware a scrunch, a scratch, stepson!
  Beware Jubjub, withstand a word!
Respect the Jabberwock and dread
    Manxomian songbird!"

He, sword off hand, placement maintained
  Thus to complete father's grand quest -
Then waited, vaunting showily
    His progenitor's crest.

Therewith three swords he animized,
  Before the creature, rumbling.
It was alive; its feelers straight
    Burbled while whiffling!

The vorpall sword o' vulcanite
  Smote - snicker! snacker! - artfully
A headless Wocky residue
    Yielded strength mournfully.

"Youth did it - O, praised fearlessness!"
  He issued melodies, forthright.
"Death's strike! O, day! Strallough! Stralleigh!" -
    A-chortling in delight.

Borogove, strange slithy troves,
  A brilligtime quickstep
Mimsy creatures, gimblified,
    Frolicked on a steppe.

Charge 3

im on the verge of crying

Set up a second magic missile cannon that will fire every time someone posts.

Wowie! MORE NORMAL SHIT :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
F4R3FN4RIJFN4REOFCMWKDM3IOEJIJUIR

i hit you with my sword

eh- uh- meh- blu- no just no

I play one swamp and end my turn

...

I play one swamp and end my turn

The swamp produces 1 earth and 1 water resource!

...

Set up an automatic charging station that will charge up any charging posts by 1.

...

Magic Bolt!

THE BIG BAD IS DEAD CAN WE STOP NOW HAHAHAHAHAH
GREAT PRANK GUYS
HOLY SHIT
THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF