Human Error - Phone Unknown

SpoilerShow

I had NOT heard of mac and me. I now have a whole new plethora of puns that can be used with my name. Also sorry, super tiny update to give more options suggestion-wise. I meant the bag itself was labeled 'for m' but yeah, not a very open update. My bad.

i have no idea what to suggest so i'll just list stuff that could possibly be in the bag?

• a box of cigarettes, opened, one missing.
  
• a small container, tightly sealed, labeled "DRY ICE — DO NOT OPEN"
  [X] razor blade
  
• magic eight ball
  [X] a flip phone and a pager
  [X] small notebook w/ golf pencil in the rings
  
• loose sunflower seeds
  
• $10,000 in hundred-dollar bills
  [X] alien technology with obscure function and no operating manual, naturally
  
• dog shit
  
• a balaclava, driving gloves, a 9mm, a spare clip, and a hastily-scrawled map
  
• spices
  
• unopened deck of cards
  
• device that beeps faster as you get closer to its receiver
  
• TO SERVE MAN
  [X] ukelele
  

Inside the bag is a small, buzzing flip-phone. But when you reach down you realize the bag was partially burried. There's a lot more here than just a phone. You can see a pager, a razor blade, a blank notebook with golf pencils and... a thing you can't describe very well. Like a small, round watch with strange symbols instead of numbers. The hands are ticking, but backwards. The whole thing is a deep ebony black with silver markings on the strap. You have no idea what it could be used for.
Also in the package is a soprano ukulele painted bright red. Okay. Well. You're just gonna roll with it for now.

You open the bag, taking out the phone. At least you understand how that works. It stops buzzing the second you pick it up. It feels warm, like it's been on all night.

You flip it open and check the call history.

25 Missed calls from Private Number

The thought 'phone home' momentarily runs through your mind and you honestly consider it for a second before realizing you don't know where 'home' even is. It's like you stepped into a haze. You don't remember much of anything besides the need to meet Them here at this date, and the time stamp in your brain.

Instead, you notice you have some text messages here as well. Huh, well good to know you could text if you wanted to, you really hate having to talk on the phone.

3:08am, Aug 14

TextLogShow

???: did you buy the candy?

Er. Must've been some urgent candy if they then called 25 times in a row. Should you...text them back? The pager doesn't seem to have gone off at all. It looks more like a back-up for if the cellphone dies. You guess.