Human Error - Phone Unknown

SpoilerShow

Funny story, my real name is VERY close to 'Mac'.

Also I apologize for any errors. My internet is down at home and some of this was written on a phone.

Right on cue two contradictory ideas feed into your brain at once. You wince, but try to make sense of it.

everyone you know calls you "mac" which is just the first syllable of your last name. it's a pretty masculine name considering but it's hard for people to get confused once they've met you. you've got a pet cat and fuck no it didn't come with you, it's a damn cat and you go literal weeks without seeing it. the note in your pocket has even more notes on it — you were in a coffee shop late at night when this melody just popped into your head so you grabbed a napkin, scrawled a staff on it, bada-bing bada-boom. you probably should have ordered something to eat because you look downright emaciated with sunken eye sockets and no make-up and you haven't showered or even run a brush through your hair in like four days

edit: also, you wear a ton of suits, but usually they're not this friggin' nice. usually they've got mismatched parts and the coat's too big and the shirt's got a hole in the elbow or whatever... it's kinda a look

"Mac", huh? You wonder absentmindedly why everyone calls you that if it isn't technically your real name. Or, at least, your first name. Then you realize you don't really care. A name is a name. Better than nothin'.

You can't say you remember the coffee shop but the idea is there so you take out the note.

...And sure enough, there it is. Music notes scrawled on a napkin with a tiny coffee stain obscuring the final rest. Your coffee stain or someone else's? Ugh. Probably someone else's with how you feel right now. God you could really use a cup o' joe.

But there's more here. The ideas haven't finished feeding into your mind.

Of course, you never wear suits. Your cats HATES suits. Usually, you wear a comfy bathrobe and some slippers. That way, your cats can ride in the pockets and scratch at and play with the bottom. Your cats are your life. An entourage of at least twenty is with you at all times. You have no idea how many you have in your house. They all breed with each other so much.

You shiver, everything feels wrong without your cats. It looks like they took your shopping cart too. You take it everywhere with you. That way, you can carry all your favorite things with you, and your kitties have a place to ride. Now, all you have is a crumpled note in your pocket. It's a shopping list full of things you would never buy. You don't even recognize half the things on the list. On the bottom it appears you scrawled a couple of numbers.

You still can't remember your name, but you're fairly confident people used to call you The Cat Lady. Obviously, it's not an endearing term, but you take it as a compliment. Your kitties are your life.

Along with the suit, your hair is cut into a very stylish style, and you've been freshly bathed. Your nails are immaculate, and running your tongue over your teeth they feel as though someone has polished them. This is pretty much a direct opposite of how you usually look.

Frankly you would love an entourage of twenty cats but you get the feeling you only have one. He's completely useless but still... It does feel wrong without him. Very wrong. Even though he's often gone you always felt like he'd come back soon after. And he did. Every time. No matter how far he got.

But now? You're sure even he couldn't find you here.

So. To gather what you've come to realize: you are female. At least, you feel like you're female based on mental hints. Physically it's impossible to tell, not that it matters to you (gender, as you're well aware, doesn't have much to do with your physical appearance). You can't feel your body. It's like you're floating just slightly behind or above it.

As this new information floods into your mind, you flip over the note. Seems there's something written on the back in what you assume is your own handwriting. It's a list.

To Buy (Or obtain by other means):


1) Triazolam, alprazolam or temazepam

2) Titanium dioxide

3) Nitrocellulose

4) Codeine

5) Paper towel (extra absorbent)

6) 10 batteries, AAA

7) Jumper cables.

8) A bag of jolly ranchers or life savers (whichever's available)

9) A live white rat.

10) A pair of gardening gloves.

....Okay, you'll admit that besides maybe the paper towels, none of these are things you'd normally buy and you're not sure you even know what most of the things in the beginning even are. Besides that, what would you need a live rat for?

And candy? Jolly ranchers? Those can't be for yourself, considering that you hate candy with all your heart. Not for health reasons, you're pretty far from what someone may call a 'health nut'. You just hate it. Besides, what would They ever need candy for? You wouldn't expect them to have a sweet tooth.

At any rate, this is how it is. You're tired and probably look it, but still freshly-groomed with a new, sharp haircut and polished nails. Kind of odd but given the circumstances, you're just going to go with it.

The stars are really beginning to piss you off. Brighter than bright, and louder than loud. Of course, the moon sits in complete silence as she usually does amid the other less-than-humble patrons of the sky. You have no issues with this. A quiet moon is a good moon.

You stick your hands in your pockets. The insides are lined with silk. It feels soft against your skin.

Well. This was a dud, you find yourself thinking.

You're about to give up and walk away when you hear a faint buzzing in the distance. It's different from the stars, more....mechanical? It sounds like somebody's phone.

You hesitate, then decide you've got nothing to lose. You head in the direction of the buzzing, brushing past heavy stalks of corn. Your feet feel detached from your body and your hands seem far, far away. It's like a dream.

After about twenty steps to the east--or what you imagine is probably east, you find it. Lying on the dirt in a plastic bag with the words 'for M' written in sharpie below the seal.

... Huh.


NEXT