Critique and Advice; the treadmill of adventuring.

S...so...um.... I always get too nervous to ask but I know it's good to know...

Am I doing okay? Y'know. On Wayward? I know I often take too many suggestions and my posts are super long but I'm working on picking and choosing a little more

Sorry for taking so long to respond.

First impressions (recorded while reading):
-The art style is very pretty. Not my style, but very well done all the same.
-I'm a bit unsure about the whole game thing. A lot of forum adventures start out with a video game theme, but a lot of them tend to either 1. immediately forget about it after the first update or 2. shoehorn it in places it doesn't belong. The only non-puzzle-based adventure I've seen do it well is Fortuna. Obviously it's a bit late to change and I'm writing this before I finish reading, but be careful with it.
-Nice use of simple animation. (Fade in/out, guy sleeping)
-"Object" is misspelled on page 18.
-This may be on purpose, in order to enhance the game feeling, but the text in the boxes isn't as enjoyable to read as the plain text. The game text just doesn't feel as... genuine.
-Ease up on the !. The more you use it, the less effective it becomes.
-That art is really cute. My initial instinct was that I would dislike this, for the same reason I dislike UT and SU, but that face on page 34 is too much for even me.
-Citrus is too friendly, it irks me
-Oh good, something horrible's happeni--and it immediately goes into thinking about his sister.
-Rock is mispelled 79, unsure if intentional
-This is way too fucking sappy
-She... is not really his sister, is she.

Okay, I have to stop there because I really need to sleep.

Review:

I don't think that having long updates is an issue, especially if you read on the mirror like I did. I think what is more important is to keep the plot moving. If you are doing long updates with lots of suggestions, you may have to even add plot in between the suggestions, or perhaps have fewer panels per command.

The art is very good. While I might not like it myself, it's very well done, easy to look at, and shows a real understanding of artistic... stuff. (I'm tired okay)

What I read so far is very good. It's not the sort of thing I would usually read, I am generally a lot less interested in these sorts of cutesy-type adventures. Even so, I enjoyed what I read. Make sure to keep the plot moving along, it stagnates a bit in spots (hugging stuffed animals, picking up junk, etc). Lastly, be careful with the game thing. Make sure to make it part of your plot, and not just a gimmick.

Good job so far though!

edit: looks like I stopped one page before something interesting happened. (94)
I might write some more later, in that case. right now I really need to sleep.

I was actually worried it stayed too cute too long and that I'd lose my intention. That being that it looks cute and completely harmless on first impression. (Man I'm never gonna forget about the 'too cute' thing now) This art style, I will admit, is far cuter than my usual style, and that I did that on purpose. I really hope it isn't obnoxiously so.

Just...haven't gotten to the good parts yet. I feel like my pacing is too slow but I have a lot to do sometimes and picking up the pace is hard... I have a lot to do and often wind up having to complete an update in a day to keep it going and often... it means sacrificing something I've written. Writing is fast, but drawing it takes much longer, even if I normally draw quickly.

If the text boxes are distracting I can get rid of them. I guess I thought it would be a neat change. But if it's too hard to read or too annoying to look at I can stop. The other use for them would be to tell the difference between 'you' the character and "You" the player.

The video game thing is definitely too late to change. It's very ingrained into the plot and always was. I'm just very worried about not getting anywhere and boring people and if I should start over or drastically change something....


edit: Now that I think about it I REALLY should have introduced a certain character much earlier to balance out Mai and Citrus in terms of 'niceness'. It was the intention in the beginning but forum adventures never go where you expect, eh?

If the text boxes need to be replaced I may do a slight re-write if I don't have to just start over... I'm not sure. I worry I'm too slow and that my pacing is too late to fix, as are other elements.

I guess because I have other ideas I worry I may be stagnating. I'm concerned this one is too complicated and slow right now....I'm more curious if the issues with it outweigh the good. I have some other ideas I want to do, but two hand drawn adventures updating regularly is too much to handle. And I like the idea of wayward still. I'm just concerned I'm not executing it properly and if I should keep going like this or change my approach. To do something else would require putting this one on hiatus or an irregular schedual. But I really don't like the idea of stopping when I've gotten so far.