Post making contest 5.0

This is episodes #15.

So this sure was an episode in which things happened.

• I don't even know why Trott conquered Wellington. It's cost him a fair few units and has made his empire unhappy (because HE ANNEXED RATHER THAN PUPPETING but still)
  
• Smiffy: "The fuck? How are the Huns influential over me now?" ...that I very much doubt...
  
• ...Sjin has 20 tourism. That would be enough to become influential over Smiffy. Maybe that's what happened instead?
  
• yep Tom has zero tourism
  
• Smiffy: "this grand assault against Rythian is going well, isn't it?"
  
• Rythian has destroyers. Do you think he could see his way towards using them? To destroy things? Like Sjin?
  
• ...where is Trott's army going? Not towards Rythian, really? Like, it's already obsolete, way behind Rythian's tech level, but by the time it gets there their only use will be for kitting out historical reenactment societies...
  
• Tom: "how to I raze a city to the ground?" Trott: "I'm tempted to raze Wellington..." YOU CANNOT RAZE CITY STATES
  
• (unless they were previously purchased by Venice or married to Austria)
  
• Smiffy and Trott are doing a "I'll show me mine you show me yours" for science per turn in private chat. Honestly, they do not need to be caught with their pants down any further than they currently are...
  
• Beshbalik, Sjin's one tile island city, can be attacked from the sea on six sides. Rythian has precisely six destroyers and they're all attacking Beshbalik. RIP.
  
• SJIN HADN'T EVEN BUILT WALLS THERE
  
• I think Sjin's tardiness keeps causing the resyncs, because scrolling the list of production choices in one of your cities as the turn timer ticks over is a thing that does produce them. And I've just watched Sjin space out over the list for thirty seconds then desperately rifle through it upon finally regaining his senses when the timer hit the five second mark...
  
• RYTHIAN HAS ENTERED THE ATOMIC ERA
  
• ATTILA'S COURT HAS BEEN RENAMED TO "CRAPITAL"
  
• Smiffy: "Really glad that the game clearly fucking supports the ideas you want. Ooh, you want to build your civilisation how you want to? NO! NO YOU CAN'T BUILD IT HOW YOU WANT TO! DO IT TO THE RULES THAT HELP YOU WIN!"
  
• Smiffy the way you wanted to build your civilisation was as a single shitty city and a colossal, money-draining road network that didn't even connect the various places it was trying to properly
  
• SJIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE IT'S THE CITY BOMBARD CURSOR PROBLEM FOR THE UMPTEENTH FUCKING TIME A BRIGHT RED CURSOR IS NOT A GOOD THING RIGHT FUCKING CLICK ALREADY
  
• STOP SOUNDING SO SAD
  
• Like, before this series I had seen this problem maybe six or seven times - what happens is that you select the bombard function, then either the unit you could bombard moves away or you forget what you just did and try to move on, meaning you're attempting to continue your normal actions while still having the bombardment option selected. All you have to do to fix this is to dismiss it. A right click works. Thus your BRIGHT RED CURSOR will turn back to the normal blue and you will be able to keep going. It says a lot about the attention spans slash general proficiency of these players that this is maybe the seventh time this has happened so far this game...
  
• THERE YOU GO YOU RIGHT CLICKED... AND YOU'RE STILL WHINING? YOU DON'T REALISE YOU'RE FINE NOW?!
  
• jesus fucking christ (the ultimate selfcest)
  
• RYTHIAN HAS LITERAL TANKS
  
• okay Sjin we need to have some words
  
• Rythian rather gentlemanly said that he wouldn't do any combat actions until you we able to interact with things again. You agreed to these terms, then proceeded to continue your turn with your now fixed cursor. You knew full well that you were able to perform actions once more yet did not inform Rythian of this. Eventually, once the turn timer was almost empty, Rythian caved in and took Beshbalik. He justified this by saying that, since you'd stopped whinging about the "bug", you were fine again, especially given the amount of time that had passed. You are now complaining that was unfair because you are still unable to do things. That is not reasonable. If you were complaining because Rythian broke his word, that has basis. You are, however, lying through your fucking teeth about the game still being "bugged". YOU JUST ADOPTED A SOCIAL POLICY. YOU JUST BOMBARDED A BARBARIAN. YOU ARE CAPABLE OF PERFORMING ACTIONS. This implies to me that you are trying to exploit your misfortune earlier in the turn in a deliberate and duplicitous attempt to stall Rythian, and that is not okay.
  
• oh so Trott's fucking up Vancouver and fucking up his army in the process
  
• Smiffy: "Guys, I'm trying to fight Rythian. I'm pushing on Zendikar with one unit of Great War Infantry who are very confused as to how they got here."
  
• Smiffy you do not have to discard all those notifications in order to get at a deal that has been tabled. You just go to the Diplomacy Menu, which you did, and click on it there, which you didn't.
  
• Tom: "Trott, are you going to join this war?" Trott: "I'm taking out Vancouver, mate! It's hampering him!" Tom: "...I don't really think it is." THIS IS 100% TRUE WELL DONE TOM
  
• ...THE TOM WHO JUST TOOK YEREVAN...
  
• ...*sigh*...
  
• Rythian, sniggering: "this is great" DAMN RIGHT
  
• LET ME READ YOU THE PEACE TREATY THAT TOM HAS JUST SENT RYTHIAN
  
• Rythian will make peace and give Tom a copy of the luxury Gold, Tom will make peace and give Rythian HORSES, 7.
  
• THAT IS A CITY NAMED HORSES WITH SEVEN POPULATION
  
• Rythian, bursting into laughter: "what the fuck is this?!"
  
• Rythian: "if you want peace I can give you peace, but I'm not giving you *cracks up* any gold"
  
• TOM RENAMED YEREVAN TO HORSES IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF IT
  
• TOM ADDED FURS TO HIS SIDE OF THE DEAL AND RYTHIAN ACCEPTED IT
  
• RYTHIAN HAS BEEN TRICKED. THE WOOL HAS BEEN PULLED OVER HIS EYES. HE HAS BEEN DOUBLE DEALT AND PLAYED FOR A FO- yeah no this is amazing Rythian's just been able to liberate it as a nigh-permanent ally how fucking phenomenal
  
• Smiffy and Trott now have a defensive pact. That is going to end well. Mostly because it will get triggered by a war declaration and Smiffy is already at war with Rythian.
  
• Smiffy: "eventually I'll drop the bomb on Rythian and it'll be fine" YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE PLASTICS YOU ARE ELEVEN TECHS AWAY FROM NUKES
  
• Smiffy: "also, I don't have, like, any strategic resources" THIS IS WHY YOU EXPAND TOWARDS THEM, SETTLING CITIES LIKE YOU VERY NEARLY DIDN'T
  
• (also you turn strategic balance on in the map settings to guarantee horses iron, and oil that really helps)
  
• Smiffy: "I reckon I could get a bomb in thirty turns" NO YOU CAN'T
  
• Sjin has just pointed out that there are no atomic bombs in the NQMod, only nuclear missiles. Smiffy's reaction was priceless.
  
• actually no we both got confused he has indeed shift-clicked missile tech not the tech where bombs used to be carry on
  
• Sjin is so fucking despondent about their chances against Rythian oh my gosh
  
• SJIN HAS JUST OFFERED TOM ALL HIS TRADEABLE CITIES IN EXCHANGE FOR GEMS
  
• SJIN YOU LOST A SINGLE CITY AND APPARENTLY THE PLOT AS WELL
  
• so the preview is interesting

tl;dr - FIVE TIMES YOUR DAILY RECOMMENDED ALLOWANCE OF SALT

End of message.