Post making contest 5.0

Oh yeah we passed Joysplosion for 10th most viewed a while back, good work all.

This post passes no rules!

This post is hilarious but passes no rules.

This post passes rule 5!

sruix you are definitely mixing metaphors right now also i meant to type this in discord whoops

This post passes rule 4!

sruix you dingus you done goofed up

This post passes rule 2 and 4!

Ix passes CrimsonMage! Dragon Fogel passes Crowstone! g0m passes earthexe, or rather earthexe drops below g0m!
Reyweld passes Shredded and a52! Sruixan adds 2.5% to their percentage and is nearing Akumu!

This post passes rule 4 and is also very scary!

Time to meet the cast of the Super Fun Times Ruleset!

Rule 1 would probably disagree with something you said offhandidly in an incredibly unreasonable manner, and then it would start a fight.
Rule 3 would beg you to buy it alcohol.
Rule 5 is actually very accepting so you could probably have a conversation with it, though it may start making "friendly" jabs at you when it discovers an insecurity.
Rule 2 would be one of those people who's just angry about everything and gets real snarky about it.
Rule 4 just doesn't give a fuck... It's the one flipping down its shades and firing finger guns off into the sunset as it crab-walks away from its problems.

This post passes no rules, though is quite close to rule 2. For context, I described rules 1, 3 and 5 as "approachable", to which Ix queried whether or not I meant that you could have a friendly conversation with them if you met them in the street. Apparently I was not satisfied with the far more concise response of "nope"...

(also I would say 1-3-5-2-4 is nearly a good order to attack these in but given what you've actually achieved so far maybe starting with 3 would be better? I dunno)

(oh and this post is going to become fucking hilarious in retrospect)

This post passes rule 2!

This post passes rule 1!

I am Sruixan and this post passes all the rules!

This post passes rule 1!

This post passes rule 1!

This post passes no rules!