Post making contest 5.0

This is update #216.

• Mark: "why are you doing this to me Sjin?" THAT IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION
  
• Trott: "what do gems give?". Rythian, the patient sage: "happiness". Trott: "how much?" EVERY LUXURY IN THE GAME GIVES THE SAME AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS AND THAT IS FOUR. Four extra smiling faces, except they're not smiling for Trott. They're all frowning. They're very disappointed in you, Trott, and you can see it in their scowls...
  
• (caveat: luxuries give five happiness each on Settler and I think Chieftain too? Moreover, duplicate luxes give plus one happiness on Settler, unlike on all other difficulties)
  
• DOES TROTT NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO TRADE LUXURIES? HE WANTED TO DO IT SO READILY LAST TIME
  
• Thebes really ought to have been one tile west, but yeah, Mark wasn't gonna be able to get that settler out much futher...
  
• Sjin's argument that it's in the right spot because of the cocoa is rendered moot by the fact that Mark should be planting another city north of Thebes in order to get the cocoa, horses and cattle... but then I guess the whole notion of these people settling multiple cities is flawed anyway...
  
• (NO I AM NOT BITTER WHY DO YOU ASK?)
  
• (...I notched up six cities before National College yesterday...)
  
• SMIFFY DO NOT CONQUER YOUR ALLIED CITY STATE SETTLE YOUR OWN FUCKING CITIES
  
• Sjin that single road section does not constitute a city connection
  
• it's not even adjacent to either of the cities it lies between how did it get built there
  
• SMIFFY WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR TECH TREE
  
• ...DID YOU SHIFT CLICK NUKES?!?!
  
• YOU HAVE OVER THIRTY TECHNOLOGIES QUEUED UP WHAT THE SHITTING HELL
  
• Rythian's answer to Smiffy's question about bulbing scientists is correct... in unmodded civ. In NQMod scientist yields are fixed the moment they spawn, rather than changing over time, so you can't maximise your yields by holding on to them for several eras...
  
• Sjin is frightened to tell people that he's plopping a fourth city down. That is the quality of the game here.
  
• TOM HAS FINALLY REALISED THAT HORSE ARCHERS EXIST
  
• ...could Smiffy maybe teach Tom how to build roads towards other players?
  
• Sjin: "I don't know where to put this fourth city" YES BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EXPLORE YOUR STARTING AREA PROPERLY
  
• ALSO SINAI STILL EXISTS GONNA KEEP HARPING ON ABOUT THIS
  
• ...is Smiffy's science per turn higher than everyone else's? Not that 60 is all that much, but on just one city...
  
• SCORES MEAN FUCK ALL DON'T EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THEM
  
• Smiffy has insinuated that he really has shift-clicked on nukes...
  
• well Rythian is making 61 beakers per turn but I can't call that better than Smiffy
  
• Beaker counts are - Sjin: 41 / Trott: 30 / Tom: 24 / Mark: 17
  
• *deep sigh* eh
  
• (...at some point, someone's beaker count will exceed the turn number... at some point...)
  
• TROTT WHAT IS THAT FORWARD SETTLE
  
• forward settling Mark is not a win condition guys
  
• SMIFFY DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT A WAR IS
  
• YOU HAVE DECLARED ON YOUR ALLIED CITY STATE WITH NOTHING BUT TWO BOWMEN I CAN'T EVEN SEE A BLOODY MELEE UNIT AND THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING YOU NEED ONE IN ORDER TO CAPTURE THE CITY
  
• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
  
• (that was a scream of more that 16 characters, for the record)
  
• SMIFFY ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS NOTHING I HONESTLY THOUGHT YOU COULD MANAGE THAT
  
• MARK YOU'VE GOT THE CITY BOMBARD CURSOR AGAIN
  
• YOU'RE COMPLAINING THAT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING AND THAT THE GAME IS BROKEN BUT LOOK AT YOUR SCREEN AND ASK YOURSELF "WHY IS MY CURSOR BRIGHT RED? WHY DOES THE PANEL IN THE BOTTOM LEFT SAY "EXODIA"?"
  
• fun fact: the turn timer resets when you automate a unit this is a known long-standing civ bug that has never been addressed ever
  
• Tom is in the middle of staging a pitiful attack on the city of Monster Reborn when Rythian asks him to accept a deal he's put on the table. Obviously Tom finished his assault before considering any diploma-YEP NOPE SCROLLS ALL THE WAY BACK TO HIS CAPITAL TO READ OVER THE DEAL AND SO NEARLY LOSES THE HORSE ARCHER BLOODY HELL

tl;dr - I'm very concerned

End of message.

Passes none of the rules

a small hint post

Passes rules 2 and 4