Consistency

Bake some delicious mint brownies.

Inspiration strikes. The nation's currency may have collapsed and the money you print is now essentially worthless, but why let all this perfectly good equipment go to waste? You'll convert this place into a bakery and make brownies instead!

While this idea is absolutely brilliant and cannot possibly go wrong in any way, there's are a few minor issues to resolve first. You can't make brownies out of nothing, and you also don't actually have any brownie recipes. And with the currency collapse, well, it's going to be hard to solve this problem with money.

So what are you going to do?

Take 6 paragraphs to die.

You rip six of the paragraphs out of the novel and take them back to the giant die. You then carefully glue a paragraph to each of its faces.

Nothing happens. Maybe these aren't the right words for the ritual?

You need a wizard!

Oh, if only it were that simple. Yes, there are any number of accountants who advertise themselves as "number wizards", but you don't have the money in the budget to hire them. You'd have to pay them out of your own pocket, and you definitely can't afford that.

No, you'll have to solve this mess of a budgeting problem yourself. You suppose that the easiest way to start is by finding something to cut. Of course, with the intense competition between departments, you're bound to make enemies no matter what you pick. You'll have to think carefully about whose wrath you'd rather face.

So, which department's budget are you going to go after?

Stop to smell the daffodils

Ahhh... They smell very nice. You just stand there for two minutes and relax.

Of course, in those two minutes, the ferocious Trainbeast has nearly closed the gap between you. Maybe this wasn't the best time to stop, but you can't really worry about that right now. You've got to figure out how to escape!

> Refuse to pun.

You look at the waste that's piled up in your lab, and then at your newly invented Change-O-Matic. This seems like the perfect chance to clean up your lab and test out your new invention!

You load all the garbage in, and press the Transformation button. The machine whirrs and grinds and beeps and makes all sorts of weird noises, then something pops out. You take a look at what you've made.

It's... a copy of this week's Inquirous Nationals. Looks like you just turned your garbage into trash.

Make make make make 'em clap to this etc

Oh, right, that was the password. Now you remember why you hate coming here, it's such a pain to remember.

After about fifteen minutes, you're finally done reciting it to the bouncer's satisfaction and he lets you in. Ugh, what a pain. You see a few shady characters sitting around the bar already; one of them must be your contact.

It strikes you that this would be a lot easier if you could just remember what your contact looked like. Heck, you can't even remember their name. What was it again?

[22:38:16] <Chwoka> DragonFogel: resist the urge to use a malfunctioning machinery interpretation on my newest suggestion
[22:38:22] <Chwoka> that's just too obvious!
[22:41:16] <RobustLaser> DragonFogel: Do a flip!
[22:42:38] <Agenbwee> DragonFogel: Be the Goddamn Pacman

You carefully insert a few lines into the Dramatic Gonkromizer Fonolased Gel's control program, making it seem like they were written by the device's administrators. The gel seems confused by the commands, and starts trying to do a flip and remodel itself into the Goddamn Pacman.

That should keep it busy for a while, but it won't be long before they notice you're in the system. You'd better grab whatever data you can fast, before the gel becomes hostile again.

So which files are you going for with the time you've got?

Alright guys! PM me how you think DF will interpret your suggestion! Those who get it closest will win a prize!

That's it! You'll test out your new Dwarf Fortress interpreter program with a contest, and further your political career at the same time! You put up a sign to generate interest.

You sit back and wait to be Prime Ministerized. But suddenly, you realize that you've promised a prize to the participants, but you don't have one!

Quick, what are you going to use as a prize?