S.A.M.L.A.R.B Spectral Aquisitons of Material Lands And Resources Bureau

gently grab this devil by the wrist, then move their arm up and down so your head nods along

> Sign language! Take one of your fists and nod it up and down.

A two pronged approach to this problem seems to be the best course of action. Simply nodding your head via devil-wrist-fist manipulation may not get the point across, and similarly shaking a fist may not quite do the job, but BOTH? At the same time?! HOW CAN ANYONE NOT UNDERSTAND YOU THEN? You whip out one hand and clamp down on the nurse-devil's wrist. You whip out the other hand in the shape of your feeble, feeble fist. Shaking commences. You are much too eager about what you are doing. You manage to rattle everything into a stupor. The devil's hand isn't quite filling your mouth so the jerking motion bangs it into the top row of your teeth and then the bottom in a consistent but alternating wave of pain. Top, bottom, top, bottom, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Your waving fist has gone cocoa-bananas. You're smashing it into the top and bottom of the ticket booth at some horrible velocity. You can feel the wood cracking and splintering, some of it coming away embedded in your hand. If you were still able to bleed, your hand would be pissing blood. You feel something slick on your hand. Apparently you are still able to bleed.

You continue your grotesque display for some time, the devil curiously unaffected by what you're doing, until a thought occurs to you...

>Hold on a minute. Are stone heads venomous? Have you been poisoned?! Immediately begin panicking and start begging the devil with his fist in your mouth to check the bite for you.

...What if the floor was made of poison? You take a few wheezing, wet, salivary breathes around the devil's fist. Stay calm, you'll be fine. Stay calm. Stake Calm. Stake. Alm. PANIC YOU WEASEL PANIC. You begin screaming, crying, begging, around the fist of the uniformed bastard in the booth. WHY WON'T HE ANSWER YOU?! DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING TO DIE?! If this smug git won't give you the attention you need, well by god you'll MAKE him give you the attention you need! You bite down on the devil's hand, hoping the pain will get some reaction from him. It doesn't, despite the fact that his hand is sliced off at the wrist by your passive aggressive jaws. It falls...into your throat. You fall to the ground, hacking and wheezing and coughing. You don't know what's killing you faster, the possible poison or the fist. You suppose it doesn't matter, either way you're going to be d- you died.

You wake up roughly twelve feet away from where you died. You push yourself to your feet. You can see a river of blood and bile rising up around your previous body as it tries to claw away. You can hear chewing. Over a few moments the body is gone...consumed by the faces in the floor. You try desperately not to think about that. Think about what? What are you talking about? You're crazy.

You are in Hell, or the HR Department, it appears to be largely dependent on who you ask. You are standing a few feet away from the receptionist desk/ticket booth. A devil in a nurse's uniform is sitting inside, grinning at you, and missing a hand. What do you do?

Inventory:

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Shard of glass embedded in head.
Blood (Hands)
A sense of smug self-righteousness
Mango Cat Tape

Nightmare Chest:

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An Office Complex in a sea of screaming faces and stars
The Concept of Eternity in an Office Job
Being Called Sammy Boy
Lady Blaze's Bloody Horrible Appearance
Small Fruit
Everything about your current situation
Germans who think they are funny.
Your own body pleading with you to save it as it is consumed by lava.
The Screaming Path that bit your arse.
The Screaming Path consuming your dead body.

Note From The Author:

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I'm very sorry for the complete failure of regular updates on here lately, life got a bit hectic and this kind of fell by the wayside. Worry not however! For I intend to return to regular weekly updates of SAMLARB! Though it may be every Saturday rather than every Monday due to time constraints!