Million Dollars But...

I just got a great Apples to Apples/Cards Against Humanity-esque game, in which the goal is to combine two cards together, one specifying what happens, and one specifying when that event happens. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone near me to play it with, so I figured I'd do the next best thing: Shitpost with it in Hawkspace.

Whenever I feel like it, I'll pick two sets of cards, and pose them here. You get to choose which one of the two options you'd rather do to get a million dollars. Feel free to talk about why you chose whichever option you did, or come up with hilarious scenarios for either option, or just shitpost more in here. Who'll be able to tell the difference?

So without further ado, your first choice to make you rich is...

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Million dollars but whenever you see a helicopter flying,
a parade spontaneously breaks out around you

or...

Million dollars but whenever you wash your hands,
your next five meals have to come from a gas stations