The Adventurer's Battle (Round One: Room 1-0A)

“Attention, all attendees of the Summer 2012 Eagle Time Adventure Awards. The Best Hussnasty Derivative award presentation has been cancelled, because Who Cares, the only nominee, has been hit by a train. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

In defense of the anime-ninja clad boy, a train suddenly bursting through the door at the end of the hall wasn’t easy to predict, and his ability to look fifteen seconds into the past wasn’t able to help him in this case. On the train, the Warden was frantically searching through a pile of miscellaneous items next to a box of coal. The Warden had, after all, planned for this.
Well, not this specifically, but parts of this. His battle-to-the-death plan had to be modified, as it hadn’t accounted for the prison being with him. He hadn’t looked at his “Abducted By Powerful Being” plan in a while, but it would surely be useful. Aha! There it was! He would have to contact the Distribution Bureau to discuss the current situation, but for now, he would have to deal with the more immediate problems.

Nopor Puss pulled his head out of the toilet momentarily to listen to the voice introducing itself as The Composer. He was absolutely certain it was his own, and in fact the mannerisms, including the pointlessly incorrect information did nothing but confirm his suspicions. Clearly it was some manner of alternate universe version of himself! This information could be incredibly useful to everybody involved in the battle. Of course, it would be pointless to pretend he doesn’t know anything about the Grandmaster, so Nopor Puss went back to sticking his head in the dirty toilet.

This situation was worrying. A clear-minded individual would be important for dealing with this situation. As the only man of science on the train, Slipsicle would truly be vital to getting out of this situation alive. He could research ways of improving the train to be more suited for combat, defense, or perhaps even escape! It would take dedication, hard work, and most importantly, booze. Let the drinking commence!

“So, you’re some kind of lizard, huh?”
“Yep.”
“And... a professor?”
“That I am.”
“...but you stand up and talk like a person.”
“And you’re on a train that’s also a prison that’s in a battle to the death that may or may not transform into a giant robot. What’s your point?”
“I, uh, where are we going?”
ProfessorLizzard and his cellmate, Man Mann, took a moment to look out the window to see door after door of hotel rooms go past. Upon seeing the cell’s guard get a tight grip on the cell bars, they both decided it would be best to do the same.

The Warden held onto the newly affixed steering wheel for dear life as the train burst through the wall at the end of the hallway, and apparently room 1-0A, despite the numbering, was in fact on the second floor. Sailing through the air above the main hall, the crowd couldn’t help but be distracted from the ceremony. Even the cast of CalculusQuest, the crowd favourites to win Best Mechanics, had to stop mid-presentation to, well, basically to get the hell out of the way. Calcutron 2000 disappeared in a flash of maths, but The Equation, sadly, was crushed by the falling locomotive.
The crowd scattered as the Prison Express drove on, manoeuvring itself into another wide section of the hotel, presumably to cause more havoc.

Mid-bottle, Slipsicle noticed he had gotten a message from the Warden. Something about aerodynamic maneuvering or something. Well, that sounded rather silly. How would you get a train to move aerodynamically? No, that was an idea that would only make sense after a couple more drinks.

SpoilerShow

Just as a quick note, The Warden never speaks. Not directly anyways. No quotes with him. He's the closest thing to a protagonist on this thing and he suffers from Silent Hero Syndrome because of it. Anybody else on the train is pretty fair game for dialogue, though.