RE: This is gonna be the thread where we talk about stabs
07-03-2012, 06:55 PM
All frustrations aside, I like the core of this conversation. (here I'm interpreting the "bullshit" cyber mentioned as the needless conflict associated with a interesting topic.)
Personally, while I'm not certain I struggle with humility or politeness per se, I do very much struggle with its neighbor encouragement, and in a broader sense "saying things that make people feel good"
Politeness and "please" in particular fall under this category. When the spirit of "please" (I say "spirit of" because I do agree with cyber in that there are many ways to convey the gratitude and appreciation generally contained in the magic word) is absent in a request, it gives the impression that the requestee is in some way inferior to the requester, like a boss speaking to their employee or a customer barking at a cashier. Nobody likes that! Some just tolerate it better than others.
I do think the privilege of the Internet has fostered a sense of entitlement in those who are used to its contet, just like with any privilege or luxury that lasts for long enough. The semi-anonymous nature of the Internet also contributes to this "rudeness". People see names or usernames of individuals, but from an initial association those names are little more than brand names or logos. There absolutely is a learning curve for fully grasping that those names represent real genuine human beings.
I'm still somewhere on that learning curve. I like to think I'm farther along than I was a few years ago, but even now I have realizations that surprise me.
When I ask someone for something, I'll generally try to emphasize that the project is of low importance compared to their daily lives, that they do not need to stress over it, and that I would really appreciate seeing it done. I'll try to complement their previous work, and let them know why I am requesting this from them and not somebody else. (this isn't like a formula, I'm just trying to think about what I tend to do) Of course the degree that I go into varies with the degree of the request.
I'm curious of you guys' other ways of asking for things, or letting people know that you appreciate them. (If they finish, how do you respond in a way that lets them know how impressed/thankful you are? Are there people you've really felt good after you finished something for them? Someone who asked and thanked well?
Personally, while I'm not certain I struggle with humility or politeness per se, I do very much struggle with its neighbor encouragement, and in a broader sense "saying things that make people feel good"
Politeness and "please" in particular fall under this category. When the spirit of "please" (I say "spirit of" because I do agree with cyber in that there are many ways to convey the gratitude and appreciation generally contained in the magic word) is absent in a request, it gives the impression that the requestee is in some way inferior to the requester, like a boss speaking to their employee or a customer barking at a cashier. Nobody likes that! Some just tolerate it better than others.
I do think the privilege of the Internet has fostered a sense of entitlement in those who are used to its contet, just like with any privilege or luxury that lasts for long enough. The semi-anonymous nature of the Internet also contributes to this "rudeness". People see names or usernames of individuals, but from an initial association those names are little more than brand names or logos. There absolutely is a learning curve for fully grasping that those names represent real genuine human beings.
I'm still somewhere on that learning curve. I like to think I'm farther along than I was a few years ago, but even now I have realizations that surprise me.
When I ask someone for something, I'll generally try to emphasize that the project is of low importance compared to their daily lives, that they do not need to stress over it, and that I would really appreciate seeing it done. I'll try to complement their previous work, and let them know why I am requesting this from them and not somebody else. (this isn't like a formula, I'm just trying to think about what I tend to do) Of course the degree that I go into varies with the degree of the request.
I'm curious of you guys' other ways of asking for things, or letting people know that you appreciate them. (If they finish, how do you respond in a way that lets them know how impressed/thankful you are? Are there people you've really felt good after you finished something for them? Someone who asked and thanked well?