The Official Fogel Writes Silly Things Thread

Space

Once upon a time, there was space.
Space was vast and mostly empty. But only mostly, because it had things like stars and planets and moons in it.
Space gradually expanded over billions of years, remaining vast and mostly empty. This eventually lead to protests from the planets, because they were getting further apart from the other planets, and they wanted somebody to talk to.
And not their moons. Moons were boring conversationalists.
Space responded to the planets' protests with continued gradual expansion. This, of course, angered the planets more, so they decided to do something about it.
They decided to start evolving lifeforms that would go into space and make it be smaller. That would show space!
But in the billions of years it took for sufficiently intelligent life to evolve and develop space travel technology, the planets got bored of the whole thing and eventually they forgot about it.
Meanwhile, space continued its policy of gradual expansion.
Nothing much happened for another few million years, until the planet Ghwradro suddenly remembered the whole protest thing, and it asked its native lifeforms to go and do something about space for it, seeing as it was kind enough to evolve and let them have a civilization and all that.
Unfortunately, the native lifeforms didn't speak planet, and so they thought it was just a really big ghwradroquake.
Fearing another such disaster, the Ghwradrons decided to leave the planet and started work on an expansive space program.
They boarded their entire population into massive starships, and then flew into space looking for another planet to live on, preferably one that didn't shake as much.
But space was so vast and mostly empty that finding another planet wasn't easy. It would take many years to reach one.
Then one of their scientists spoke up.
"What if we made space smaller?"
And so the Ghwradron scientists built a shrinking ray and pointed it at space. Space shrunk, and the planets were a lot closer and could have conversations.
Unfortunately, the planets shook when they talked, so this didn't work out so well for any of the inhabitants of the planets.
So the Ghwradrons went to other planets and built more spaceships loaded their inhabitants into them, until every living thing was on a spaceship. Then they all worked together builder a really big spaceship that could work as a planet and wouldn't shake.
The other planets got annoyed at the new planet, because it wouldn't even talk to them.
Eventually, they decided to start evolving more lifeforms so they could send them to the new planet and tell it to be more sociable.
Then space collapsed in on itself, and it took less time than it would have if the Ghwradrons hadn't shrunk space.
And that's the story of how we all came to be in the afterlife.
And space lived happily ever after.