Chester Mafia Requiem: CHEST IN PEACE

Get out of here, you scoundrel! You're an insult to the Thundermember name and the thundermember reputation! Don't listen to him, everyone! You see, Bob was right about me and my soap operas. I am none other than the world-famous Chester Horatio Maximilian Clydestacker Thundermember (no autographs please), and I came here as a well-deserved rest after defeating my evil twin brother for what I thought was the final time. I see now that I was wrong, but you can rest assured that I'm the genuine article, not him. And he's the evil one, not me! Look, he always forgets to shave that goatee off, I keep saying that's a huge plot hole but they tell me the viewers need a way to distinguish who's who and they're dumb or drunk enough not to question why nobody notices the goatee. But you all aren't dumb or drunk! You can still make the right choice!

Besides, even if you let this scoundrel leave, you can't take me out. The real reason I didn't want to succumb to the poison is... One of these women... At this camp... Is pregnant! With MY child! But I can't remember who, because of the... Amnesia!

You wouldn't take some poor child's father away before he ever had the chance to meet him, would you? That's how you end up with Waratio over there!