The Official Fogel Writes Silly Things Thread

A Summary of England

England is a tall country, standing at about six foot three. Its distinguishing features include a scar under its left eye and a birthmark on the back of its neck. There are various unsubstantiated rumors that the birthmark is actually covering two bite marks from Transylvania.
England was founded in 43 AD by Eng the Galactic Emporer. He called it "Iceland", then was disappointed to find there wasn't enough ice there and flew away with his fleet to find a better planet to found a country on.
Three centuries later, the country was renamed "England" as part of a joke that everyone involved swears was hilarious at the time. The name stuck ever since.
England is ruled by the demon Th'eur'ak. However, in all the centuries that he has ruled the land, he has only issued one edict: that everyone in the nation must drink tea, and they need to do it at the right time.
This has generated a power vacuum which has been filled by various national institutions, such as the Monocle Manufacturing Conglomerate and the Mad Dentists Association. There is a complex web of alliances and rivalries between these groups, but no one really pays any attention to it.
In England, all disputes are settled by swordfights on top of a chandelier. Whoever cuts down the chandelier first is the winner. Sometimes the outcome of such a match is unclear, which leads to another dispute, and consequently another swordfight on top of a chandelier. This is why Chandeliers Inc. is the most financially successful company in the entire nation.
Englanders celebrate Christmas in summer as well as in winter. This is a closely-guarded secret and any Englander who reveals it to an outsider will be pelted with rotten eggs. You will only be spared this terrible fate if you have given Christmas gifts to everyone in England this year; in that case, they will show mercy and simply execute you immediately.
The United States of America bought the movie rights to England in 1932, and still holds them to this day, despite a fierce and ongoing bidding war with Kuwait.