RE: The Opulent Quarrel - Round One: Mademoiselle Primfel's
06-15-2016, 05:13 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-15-2016, 05:18 AM by Ixcaliber.)
“Something’s missing.” Tiff murmured. She was sat sprawled out on the Sophisticate’s brown leather sofa, with her feet (and subsequently her heavy boots) up on the antique glass coffee table and a half eaten bowl of munchos cheese puffs in her lap. Arrayed around the room are a number of windows displaying the environs of Mademoiselle Primfel’s and the battlers they had sent there. These windows hung in mid air, their edges curling into smoke. Tiff had conjured them herself, despite The Sophisticate’s insistence that he had a media room set up for this very purpose. He was there too, slumped in his black leather recliner, his bowl of munchos only barely picked at. At Tiff’s murmur; at the merest hint of dissatisfaction in her voice, he almost leapt to his feet, nearly knocking over his bottle of Cool Spring soda.
“I knew it!” He said. “I knew you’d finally come around to my way of thinking. I just knew that if we left your gaggle of girls to gallivant around for long enough sooner or later you would come to realize that your idea of what is a battle is is horribly misinformed and every choice you’ve made has been nothing short of catastrophic.” He paced back and forth along the coffee table as he unleashed the tirade he’d clearly been practicing in his head for the entire length of the battle so far. “But, you know me, I’m not the kind of petty small minded person who needs to say I told you so, because I’m better than that I’m gonna help you out of this spectacular mess. It’ll be almost as good as if you’d just listened to me in the first place. So what you’re going to want to do is-”
It was at this point The Sophisticate realized Tiff wasn’t listening and stopped mid-rant. She was looking from window to window, an expression of concentration on her face, only acknowledging the grandmaster so much as he was standing in the way of one of the windows. “And you’re not even listening to me. I’m offering you the best advice you could ever get and you think you’re somehow going to solve this on your own as though you’re freaking Jamie Knight or something…” He slumps back down into his recliner and says nothing, staring sulkily at Tiff as she pulled out a retro flip phone and makes a call.
“So come on then Sis. Don’t keep me in suspense. What one hundred percent wrong conclusion have you come to and how to intend to fix it, because clearly you don’t need the assistance of someone who actually has watched battles and knows how these things go.” The sarcasm dripped from his voice thicker than treacle.
“Not enough cats.” Tiff said simply.
The Sophisticate stared at her open mouthed for maybe a full minute then sighed deeply. “I give up. There’s just no helping some people. If you’re intent on making the worst battle this side of the multiverse then I guess I just have to let you do it.” He grabbed a well worn manga from a nearby shelf and started thumbing through.
“Thanks.” Tiff snarked. “Real generous of you there, Sophie.”
The Sophisticate tensed up for a moment, then slowly relaxed, as he mumbled to himself “...you’ve got to be the bigger person here...”
Not too long after the almost silence of occasional muncho bites and slow turning of pages was broken by the jangling of bones. The door to the drawing room opened and in stepped an animate skeleton holding in its hands a large cat; twice the size of a normal cat with gold accents around the joints and card symbols marking its body. The skeleton strode, awkwardly, over to Tiff and stood in front of her. She climbed to her feet and inspected the cat making all the noises that cat lovers make, whilst making sure not to actually touch the cat herself. The Sophisticate resolutely refused to look and just shook his head despairingly.
“Sophie, don’t you wanna give our new contestant the rundown on how all this works?” Tiff asked.
“I can think of nothing in the multiverse I’d less rather do thank you.” The Sophisticate mumbled.
Tiff paused, cocked her head and shrugged. “Alright then.” she said and gave the nod to the skeleton. It promptly threw the cat through the closest window, which graciously became a portal for just long enough for Felixia to pass through entirely. Its job done the skeleton turned and left the way it had came.
“You know, you were already well over the normal limit of contestants.” The Sophisticate said.
“So?” Tiff said.
“Well it’s really not the done thing to just add new contestants mid round.”
“Do you have a point?”
“My point is as ever that you’re terrible.”
“Whatever,” Tiff held up the empty bowl that had once contained munchos cheese puffs. “You sure you don’t have any popcorn or anything. These are just the worst.”
“Absolutely positive.” The Sophisticate replied, “Here’s a thought, if you don’t like eating them then don’t.” Tiff was already tearing open a new bag with her teeth as she sat back down to watch the battle resume.
“I knew it!” He said. “I knew you’d finally come around to my way of thinking. I just knew that if we left your gaggle of girls to gallivant around for long enough sooner or later you would come to realize that your idea of what is a battle is is horribly misinformed and every choice you’ve made has been nothing short of catastrophic.” He paced back and forth along the coffee table as he unleashed the tirade he’d clearly been practicing in his head for the entire length of the battle so far. “But, you know me, I’m not the kind of petty small minded person who needs to say I told you so, because I’m better than that I’m gonna help you out of this spectacular mess. It’ll be almost as good as if you’d just listened to me in the first place. So what you’re going to want to do is-”
It was at this point The Sophisticate realized Tiff wasn’t listening and stopped mid-rant. She was looking from window to window, an expression of concentration on her face, only acknowledging the grandmaster so much as he was standing in the way of one of the windows. “And you’re not even listening to me. I’m offering you the best advice you could ever get and you think you’re somehow going to solve this on your own as though you’re freaking Jamie Knight or something…” He slumps back down into his recliner and says nothing, staring sulkily at Tiff as she pulled out a retro flip phone and makes a call.
“So come on then Sis. Don’t keep me in suspense. What one hundred percent wrong conclusion have you come to and how to intend to fix it, because clearly you don’t need the assistance of someone who actually has watched battles and knows how these things go.” The sarcasm dripped from his voice thicker than treacle.
“Not enough cats.” Tiff said simply.
The Sophisticate stared at her open mouthed for maybe a full minute then sighed deeply. “I give up. There’s just no helping some people. If you’re intent on making the worst battle this side of the multiverse then I guess I just have to let you do it.” He grabbed a well worn manga from a nearby shelf and started thumbing through.
“Thanks.” Tiff snarked. “Real generous of you there, Sophie.”
The Sophisticate tensed up for a moment, then slowly relaxed, as he mumbled to himself “...you’ve got to be the bigger person here...”
Not too long after the almost silence of occasional muncho bites and slow turning of pages was broken by the jangling of bones. The door to the drawing room opened and in stepped an animate skeleton holding in its hands a large cat; twice the size of a normal cat with gold accents around the joints and card symbols marking its body. The skeleton strode, awkwardly, over to Tiff and stood in front of her. She climbed to her feet and inspected the cat making all the noises that cat lovers make, whilst making sure not to actually touch the cat herself. The Sophisticate resolutely refused to look and just shook his head despairingly.
“Sophie, don’t you wanna give our new contestant the rundown on how all this works?” Tiff asked.
“I can think of nothing in the multiverse I’d less rather do thank you.” The Sophisticate mumbled.
Tiff paused, cocked her head and shrugged. “Alright then.” she said and gave the nod to the skeleton. It promptly threw the cat through the closest window, which graciously became a portal for just long enough for Felixia to pass through entirely. Its job done the skeleton turned and left the way it had came.
“You know, you were already well over the normal limit of contestants.” The Sophisticate said.
“So?” Tiff said.
“Well it’s really not the done thing to just add new contestants mid round.”
“Do you have a point?”
“My point is as ever that you’re terrible.”
“Whatever,” Tiff held up the empty bowl that had once contained munchos cheese puffs. “You sure you don’t have any popcorn or anything. These are just the worst.”
“Absolutely positive.” The Sophisticate replied, “Here’s a thought, if you don’t like eating them then don’t.” Tiff was already tearing open a new bag with her teeth as she sat back down to watch the battle resume.
Spoiler
Spoiler
Heaven Help Us | Make Room!!!! | I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Hang 'Em High | The Only Hope For Me Is You | Zero Percent | Early Sunsets Over Monroeville | DESTROYA | Demolition Lovers | To The End
Surrender The Night | Disenchanted | The Ghost Of You | Party Poison | Vampires Will Never Hurt You | The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You
Hang 'Em High | The Only Hope For Me Is You | Zero Percent | Early Sunsets Over Monroeville | DESTROYA | Demolition Lovers | To The End
Surrender The Night | Disenchanted | The Ghost Of You | Party Poison | Vampires Will Never Hurt You | The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You