Post making contest 3.0

god god god god god god god

Passes 1

I'm sorry, I just love my country, and I fear for it.
It sounds intimidating, but you know what? Pull away the curtain - you'll realise, that there ain't anybody there!
There's just a few buttons, and their voices are actually really the secret.
I asked you to send in your picture, well, I gotta tell you that you shut the fuc-face, proving, powerful.
It's called the 9-12 project where you're going to find military bases in the hills of Hollywood, California, that prove, have gathered...

*static*

In some way, something knocked us off the air and we're on a backup system now.
Was it, err, the government or-
I don't know!
It has to be something, though!
Well, did you hear, now you tell me because you were listening...
That was awful strange.
There was a really weird guy on when it went off?
Yeah, real weirdo.
Sounding sort of paranoid? Schizophrenic?
Yes, like crying and everything.
Yeah, I've got the feeling someone didn't want you to hear it. So we've gone to a backup system to get signal to you right now and I presume it is getting to you right now. Totally bizarre, folks. Totally bizarre.

Passes 1 and 5.

they might be giants

Passes 1.

Wo bist du? Ich kann dich nicht finden!

Passes 3, and I'm changing one of the rules to declare that only English counts for it. It doesn't apply here but I'm just going to constantly be worried that google does something wrong.

But up in Middlesborough they had a beer allowance; not milk, beer! The beer drunk up there was always of a higher gravity than anywhere else in the country...

Passes 5.

Finally, in the true tradition of upholstery craftsmanship, you listen, you repeat, you understand. We take great care to ensure that all our upholstery passes the British standard fire safety criteria, and this is how in just three months you could be speaking a language of your choice, confidentially.

Passes 2 and 3.

not now though.

quite the contrary, i need to eagletime soon.

Passes 5

This is update #84.

So I'm in an accommodation building next to a river, just upstream from a weir. On the other side it's mostly just the road, but there's a fenced-off section of grass where there's a bridge for access to some lighting equipment and utilities for the adjacent tourist centre.

Three guys have just jumped the fence. With a dinghy. And a picnic. They're going to have some fun, I take it, especially if they put that thing in the river.

I thought this was the sort of thing that should be an update in here.

End of message.

Passes 2.

This is update #85.

They are now being harassed by a swan.

End of message.

Passes 1.

This is update #86.

Understandably, they have chosen to call the whole thing off. They are now attempting to get the dinghy back over the fence, which is proving challenging thanks to the fact that the grassy patch is lower than the road, and also the existence of the swan.

I should run upstairs again and get another photo.

End of message.

Passes 2.

Let's test out my Spanish!

Hola. Me llamo Kíeros. Tengo cinco anos de Español. Necesito ir al baño porque no tengo pies. Soy muy embarazada debido al bebiendo cuarto galletas. Ayer, cuesté dos collares con me jugar.

Passes 3, but definitely not 2 no matter what. Not that I think it's applicable anyways?

blight town more like awful town!

Passes 4.