RE: Critique and Advice; the treadmill of adventuring.
05-15-2016, 04:47 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-15-2016, 05:06 PM by OrangeAipom.)
I like it. Feels like a real children's paperback book.
I can't even say it's weirder because kid's sci-first gets weird.
The hardest part to read was in the beginning about Sidhas. Trying to parse what's going on in that prologue when the perspective changes immediately after doesn't feel good.
I'm rereading the prologue right now and I don't remember any of it. I guess it feels more... cinematic than the rest?
So now the perspective switched to the Blackhawk copilot's perspective and Sidhas is being described as a creature. It feels wrong
Hrm... I guess what I mean to say that the beginning sets up a tone and that makes for a different first impression.
I can't even say it's weirder because kid's sci-first gets weird.
The hardest part to read was in the beginning about Sidhas. Trying to parse what's going on in that prologue when the perspective changes immediately after doesn't feel good.
I'm rereading the prologue right now and I don't remember any of it. I guess it feels more... cinematic than the rest?
So now the perspective switched to the Blackhawk copilot's perspective and Sidhas is being described as a creature. It feels wrong
Hrm... I guess what I mean to say that the beginning sets up a tone and that makes for a different first impression.
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