Noise Lights: A Text Adventure- Sweet and Sour Victory

> Put the keys in and see what the next thing is that fails miserably.

Well, you have the keys. That’s one goal met. Considering how things have been going so far, though, you wonder if it’s even worth it to try the key in the ignition. In all likelihood the engine is clogged with snakes or something and the truck will explode, or maybe the truck will fall apart and the snakes will eat you. However it fails, hopefully it’s at least interesting. You insert the truck’s key into the ignition and turn.
The engine starts up and roars exactly as it should. Huh, that’s surprising. Another goal has been accomplished. You really aren’t sure what to do next. You weren’t expecting to get this far. Your attention is drawn outside. The roar of the engine and the truck's vibrations seem to have really pissed off all the gut snakes outside. Even more than they already were. The few that are still in the truck’s bed are thrashing around. You can also hear the snakes on the truck’s roof making a racket. The snakes all around you are shrieking too. Shrieking really loudly. Everywhere. If you weren’t still so damn impressed that you actually got the truck running this would all be very terrifying. Like something out of a living nightmare. Ho-hum.
A few more snakes start dropping down past your slightly open window. Even though they’re probably too large to fit you quickly roll it up just to be safe. Yeah, so, the truck’s running. What now?

>DRIVE!

"AUGH!" There’s no need to shout! Right, drive. Driving is good. Movement. Movement is the goal here. Drive where? Going forward is the shack, but if you barrel forward you’d just crash into it. Left and right are full of trees. Then the best course of action is-
You shift the truck into reverse and floor the gas pedal. You barrel backwards at high velocity. The snakes on the roof and hood lose their purchase and slide off. You hear moist crunching as the snakes beneath the truck are crushed into paste. The snakes in the truck's bed slam into the wall behind you. They make it clear that they’re not pleased, but, then, they really don’t get a say in the matter, do they? After you put some distant between you and the swarm of snakes ahead, you hit the brake. The snakes left in the bed slam into the opposite wall. They don’t make as much noise this time.
Deep breaths, deep breaths. You’re running on adrenaline right now. Okay, what’s next?

>Roll down the window, open the vial of blood and throw it as far as you can in the opposite direction of the shack. Try to throw it against a tree or a rock or something so that it breaks and the snakes can smell it more easily.

The snakes in the truck’s bed appear to be dazed. Hopefully they won’t be a problem. You hit the button and roll the window down all the way. You shift the truck into park and lean out the window as far as you can. You take out the vial of blood and pop the cap off. You need to do this right. You spout the first one-liner you can think of. “It was snakes to meet you!”
Was that a good one-liner? With all your strength you toss the vial at the swarm. The vial doesn’t hit any trees or rocks, but it does land on the crushed snakes you left during your mad dash backwards.
The moment the first drop of blood hits the ground the snakes stop shrieking and the forest goes completely silent. There is a single brief chorus of the snake’s gurgling howls as they make a beeline for where the vial landed in a pile of their pasted brethren. Even the snakes that were still in the truck’s bed spill over its sides to get there.
With the scent of prey’s blood is mixed with their own, they all converge into a mass and begin attacking one another. They strike and bite and tear into each other. They even indulge in their *traditional* feeding method. It’s one big slithering swarm of gore and violence. Good lord, that sound is unbearable. It’s not very pleasant to look at either.

1 vial of blood removed from inventory.


Player Statistics:

SpoilerShow

Death Count: 1

Inventory:
1 can of dehydrated cans, add water for more cans
1 book titled Staying Delicious: Keep Your Cool as a Fool
1 electronic codex, let me do the thinking for you
1 legalese document
1 extend-o-grab
1 mallet
1 pistol
1 fistful of pennies
1 bunch of coupons
1 keys

Abilities:
A Kall To Keys [X]
Empty [ ]
Empty [ ]

No, that was not a good one-liner.

Softmind Software^tm Monthly Corporate Newsletter:

SpoilerShow

Hello valued corporate investors. I would first just like to start this by saying that you all look fantastic this evening. That was really kind of irrelevant considering this is a pre-recorded message, I don’t know what any of you actually look like, and I really don’t give a damn how you look anyway. Right, that’s out of the way and the ice is broken.
I would like to dedicate this to addressing the massive amount off angry calls we’ve been getting from all of you. Yes, I know our business model isn’t exactly how we described it in the paper work, but trust me, this will work out better. We all know that the most common form of product management and problem solving in the business world is to just throw money and people at it until it’s fixed. If it didn’t work people wouldn’t keep doing it, am I right or am I right? We decided to take that concept and rev it up to the extreme. We’re gonna get places with this, believe me. Our current staff is large enough to fill six sporting stadiums. We actually bought a stadium and built five more next to it. Which sport? I don’t know, the really big one. There’s a ball, I think. With the amount of people we have and with what you’re paying us, you can bet your bottom dollar we’re gonna whip up something fantastic. That being said, stadiums are great for sports, but not so much for office buildings. The existing space isn’t exactly accommodating to our needs right now. In fact, we’ve currently set a record for all time lowest productivity in the history of the business world. We’re in the process of fixing that. Also, one of the stadiums is filled with nothing but pinball machines. We’ve had to reallocate employees to other stadiums, so space is a largish-small issue. What can I say? I’m a collector. Don’t worry, it’s under control.
Another big issue you kept ragging at us about in all your calls is that you all believed this was an exclusive partnership. Seriously though, you should spend less time on the phone. Try it, you might get some work done. Anyway, the exclusive partnership? Yeah, that was actually just a straight lie. Sorry about that. In our defense, you wouldn’t have agreed to fund us if we didn’t lie to you.
So, Hopefully this has answered any questions you may have had. There’s no need to worry, we’ve got everything in the books and under control. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. Seriously, we’re blocking you. Your constant calls were really distracting, we’re trying to run a business. Don’t stress it. I can guarantee that you’re all in for the biggest payday of your lives. Trust me.

From the desk of Geraldine Hayes.