S.A.M.L.A.R.B Spectral Aquisitons of Material Lands And Resources Bureau

> Just play it cool. Fight fire with coolness. Give her your best poker face and stand resolute. This will show her that you mean business.

Calm. Be calm. Don't let your emotions run away with you, you can control this situation. You can't let this woman's HIDEOUS JUDGING FACE or COLD EMOTIONLESS HEART drive you away from your goal. This has happened entirely too many times in your life. She is on fire, so you will be ice. Get your game face on, Sammy Boy. You shift your face unnaturally, drawing your lips into a long flat line, squinting your eyes, puffing out your chest, and then you stare at her. You mean buissness, and she knows it. Before she can even respond, you reflect on what you've done to make it clear that you mean buissness. Long thin mouth, narrowed eyes, puffed out chest. You look like a mutilated duck.

Oh god. The shame. The shame. The shame. The shame. The sha-

>Oh god it's over, it's all over Sammy Boy, just give up, ask her what can you even do at this point as you consider the years of possibly literal soul crushing work.

Just accept it. It's over. You're done. The devil has crapped in your tea-pot once again. It'll be a desk job for you. Yep. A desk job. Just like those grey-faced turds you had been bullying on your way in here. You don't know why you even did that! They are the same as you, though probably better at their jobs. They lived terrible lives and killed themselves for it. This is probably just where people like you end up. Tapping at keys for eternity because you're too weak to say no. Typing up gibberish no one will read for the rest of time. You spineless, weak-willed, lilly-livered, candy-ass, cheese eating surrend-

>PANIC! Start baffing her about the head with the tape while continuing to insist you are Action Sam all the while weeping at your own incompetence.

No no no nonononononononono! You won't accept that! YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT! NOT AGAIN! NOT FOREVER! You take up the tape in your tembling hands and do the only thing that comes to mind. Your very last resort. Streams of white hot shame trickle over your cheeks, you can feel yourself heaving, gasping with each pathetic sob as you wave the tape at the head of the burning woman who holds your fate in her tiny, stupid hands. You're baffing her on the burning bonce, screaming “I AM ACTION SAM! I AM ACTION SAM! DON'T TELL ME I'M NOT! I AM ACTION SAM!” You've lost your f%*king mind, Sammy Boy. And you're not getting it back any time soon...you sad, pathetic man.

You are Lady Blaze. Your most recent applicant is currently having an obvious mental break down and is trying to hit you over the head while saying something about Action Man. Also, you are in great pain and always will be. What do you do?