S.A.M.L.A.R.B Spectral Aquisitons of Material Lands And Resources Bureau

> Just stand there, hiding under the TV.

You stay underneath the television. Your previous mad courage gone. YOU SPOKE TO THE TV. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU MAD?! You take a few deep breaths. It'll be fine. You've experience in dealing with problems. You ignore them. Just sit silently under the television until it goes away. That's how you dealth with your terrible job and hateful girlfriend. Just pretend you can't feel her snot seeping from the pillow, into your hair, into your scalp, and ultimately into your soul. That's served you well in the past. It's hardly as if you killed yoursel...
…
...Well, technically you didn't kill yourself. You TRIED to kill yourself. You're still not sure if that worked or not. If this is Hell, then the Christians were WAAAY off.

>Clearly the television can feel things. Assert dominance by biting the television!

You reflect on your life. Ignoring your problems is what made you want to end it. Well, you know what? Enough! You decide to take matters into your own hands. You leap up into the air and chomp down onto the television. The thing can feel and think. LET IT THINK AND FEEL YOUR TEETH IN IT'S PLASTICY FLESH! You leap, bite, and then hang there. You're suspending yourself in mid air with only your teeth, hanging from the side of a terrifying television. You did not think this through enough before electing to follow this course of action. The TV yelps at first, and then responds to your odd predicament in as deadpan a way as possible.

“Mr Lar-lar-larbawitz, please get your teeth out of m-m-m-m-my casing. You're acting like a five year old.” You release, land on your backside on the floor, and apologise vaguely. The TV seems to accept...though you're still refusing to move in front of it.

>Putz around with vhs tape and player, but if that's what the tv wants you to do be petulant about it.

You pick up the VHS tape at your feet. A brief look at the label confuses you from the get-go. It features a professionally made label featuring a bunch of Asian looking lettering along with a picture of a...oh damn it what do they call it? Those Japanese comic books...Mangos, you think? Yeah, that sounds right. It features a cat drawn in the style of a Mango character smiling while sitting on a lemon. Though you couldn't read the Asian lettering anyway, over it scrawled in black ink are the words “IF FOUND, RETURN TO THE ACCOUNTANCY DEPARTMENT”. You recall this falling out of the side of the TV. You attempt to re-insert it...but the VHS slot seems to have vanished. In the interests of Putzing around with the VHS tape, you delicately balance it on your head. You succeed. The fact that you feel a sense of achievement from this is a reflection on your life and life choices.

You are standing beneath a TV. There is an Accountancy VHS tape balanced on your head. On the far side of the room is a door.

What do you do?

Inventory:

SpoilerShow

Accountancy VHS tape with "Mango" style Cat picture.
Shard of glass embedded in head.