strange coincidences you find that must surely be attributed to some vile conspiracy

Every morning for the past 3 years I've woken up on a different side of the bed than I went to sleep on. As I have never been TOLD by anyone that I roll in my sleep, I find it incredibly likely that someone is manually moving me every time I sleep. Whatever the goal of this nefarious person or organization is, I do not know, but the fact that they are able to get past my increasingly complex defenses every night worries me greatly.