Breakfast Time

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This is being moved here from MSPAFA, though I will continue to update on and take commands from both sites.

PROLOGUE PART ONE:

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You are an AVERAGE MIDDLE-CLASS ACCOUNTANT. You have just entered your kitchen to partake in what may be the most important meal OF YOUR ENTIRE DAY. But before you satisfy your hunger, you should probably focus on remembering what your name is.

What is your name, anyway?

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Ah yes, of course! Your name is KANE HOWARD BATTERSBY, and you are, as previously mentioned, a BUSINESSMAN of the ACCOUNTING kind. Your name alone gives you two points to your BUSINESSGAUGE, a nice bonus. But before getting into that, you need some breakfast, and now!



You're currently standing in your large KITCHEN. There is a door leading to your BACK YARD and your SWIMMING POOL, but this is not the time for that. Directly in front of you is your PANTRY, where you store your precious supply of CEREAL. You love cereal. It is one of mankind's greatest developments.



Over on the other side of the kitchen is your REFRIGERATOR. After all, what's a good bowl of cereal without any MILK? Hardly a bowl of cereal at all, that's what!

Now, then, Kane, what will you do?

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>STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE FRIDGE

Yes, you suppose the fridge is a good place to start on your quest for breakfast. Ah, good, you still have some milk! Only one carton, though. Should probably refill your supply at some point.



You file the milk away in your BUSINESSVENTORY, in cell A1 of the Comestibles folder. It's a good thing your BUSINESSGAUGE is at such a high level. If it were to fall, you'd surely lose your organizational abilities! And that would be terrible.

> Climb into the cupboards and wait for someone else to arrive in the kitchen. When they do, leap out and grab their ankles

What? That's ridiculous. For one thing, you're not married (although you do have a GIRLFRIEND, she's not here right now). No one else lives here, so you'd just be crammed in a cabinet all day.



Besides, your CABINETS are mostly full of COFFEE MUGS. You love coffee, but not nearly as much as you love cereal. Speaking of cereal, there are also several bowls in here. You can't have cereal with a proper RECEPTACLE, after all!



You place the CEREAL BOWL in cell A1 of your RECEPTACLES folder.

>Mix every kind of cereal you own into one bowl. Then remember you're out of milk.

Mix cereal? Don't be ridiculous. And you clearly have milk, too. But still, better retrieve your CEREAL from the PANTRY.



Ah, there it is! The pantry's looking awfully bare. You should probably head to the GROCERY STORE at some point, probably on the WEEKEND. It's Thursday right now, so you probably have enough food to last until then.



You place the DANG! CEREAL into cell B1 of your COMESTIBLES folder. You've got the CEREAL, the MILK, and the BOWL now! Only one thing to do now.

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>SHOVE EVERYTHING INTO YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH.

But the cereal is in B1...

Loosen up your tie and check yourself out in the nearest mirror. Raise your Swagger level to DANGEROUSLY FLY.

Unbutton a few of those buttons as well. SUAVE IT UP.

Loosen up your tie and check yourself out in the nearest mirror. Raise your Swagger level to RADSWEET DOPEFLY.

No. These are all terrible, terrible ideas. You'd probably lose several points on your BUSINESSGAUGE if you did even one of them! You shove these stupid thoughts aside.

>It is time for progress for the synergy of milk and cereal. This will be a paradigm shift of the hunger state, and your energy dynamic will be increased.

That's more like it! You gain a one point BUZZWORD BONUS to your BUSINESSGAUGE. Now it's time for some proper breakfast!







That might be a problem.

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DON'T MOTHERFUCKING PANIC

DON'T YOU DO IT

EAT THAT FIX MIX LIKE A BOSS NO ONE TELLS KANE HOWARD MOTHERFUCKING BATTERSBY WHAT TO DO

The Fix Mix? Ech. That's been in there for months, and those green lumps are certainly not part of the mix. At least, you hope they're not.

>WIN BIG!

Hey, that's true. Maybe you could win some cheap, probably useless junk in spite of the lack of breakfast!





Sometimes you really hate marketing.

>Good lord, Kane, you are going to STARVE! Screw SCHEDULE, TO THE GROCERY STORE.

Actually, you do happen to have an hour and a half before you need to be at work. If you hurry, you'll be able to go to the store, buy cereal, go back home, eat it, and still get to work on time. You usually get there at least an hour early, but you're sure your boss will understand. But first... Where did you leave your keys?

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>In the bathroom, in the toilet. You classy man.

It's in your stomach (or possibly your small intestines). You accidentally swallowed them while indulging in cereal yesterday. Go to your girlfriend (who lives next door and is a surgeon) and ask for her help in retrieving your precious CAR KEYS.

Alternatively, just whip up a cup of steaming hot INSTANT NOODLES instead.

The toilet? Your stomach? How would your keys end up in either of those places? You're more careful with your keys than that. Besides, your girlfriend lives down the street and she certainly isn't a surgeon. She works with animals.

Also, instant noodles are not a proper breakfast at all.

>The living room. Check in between those couch cushions!

> You left them in the door of your car in an effort to make them easy to find in case of this very emergency.

Check every pocket. Check every pocket again. Check stomach.

> Its in your pocket but you won't check in till you check everywhere else.

Well, you guess it's worth checking the couch. But nope, no keys here. The cushions are too tightly pushed together for your keys to have gotten lost down there anyway. Also, why would you leave them in your pockets when you have a BUSINESSVENTORY?

And leaving them in your car door is just stupid. Honestly.

> You left your keys in the bowl on the entry hall table, that is what the keybowl is for. Without these little organisational aids you might go quite mad and lose your business-like composure.

...Right. The KEYBOWL, where they're supposed to be. You have your entire house meticulously organized; how could you forgot this? Oh well, it's still early in the morning. You won't lose BUSINESSGAUGE points for such a minor slip-up.



You place your KEYS into cell A1 of your UTILITIES folder. Alright, you're ready to buy some cereal. Unless there's anything else you wanted to do first for some reason. Is there?