Consistency

Uh-oh, flat tire.

Damn. Flat Tires are the most dangerous monsters in the area, you definitely don't want to deal with one if you can help it. Maybe if you'd bought that overpriced Tire Iron, you'd be better equipped for this fight, but it looks like that's not an option.

You'll either have to get away before it notices you, or figure out some way to fight it despite your lack of preparations. What's the plan?

>Land ho!

You check the map again, and pilot a landing course to the horthoast. That looks like the best place to start your infiltration.

You land on the outskirts of one of the Earth cities, and begin scanning the local life forms for a suitable one to imitate. It seems there are quite a few of them; perhaps you can think of some features you'd like for your disguise that will help you narrow down the search?

>Land ho!

You've looked over the vehicles long enough. You decide that, while a Sea Ho or Sky Ho or Space Ho might be useful later, for now a Land Ho will serve your needs, and it's considerably cheaper. You can always sell it if you need to upgrade later, you reason.

But wait - there are five colors of Land Ho. Green, Blue, Red, Yellow, and Black. Because of the incredible significance of color to your culture, you realize that this will be a very important decision. You'll need to reflect on this.

Which color of Land Ho will best reflect your personality?

> Land ho!

You've been flying long enough. You ask your ho to land right here; you'll walk the rest of the way.

As she lands, she coughs noticeably and holds out her hand. Oh, right, you need to pay her. You reach for your wallet and--

What the? It's gone! Someone must have snatched it earlier in the night! But the ho expects payment for your flight, and you know you'll have to pay her somehow before you leave, assuming you enjoy having unbroken limbs. What are you going to do?

> Ho Land!

Yes, that's perfect! You decide to declare your new North Pole nation as Ho Land. Where everyone will be jolly!

You've got the national application form written up now, all that's left is sending it to the UN for ratification. There's just one problem; they may not take a form signed by "Santa Claus" seriously. What can you do to ensure that they at least hold a vote to recognize Ho Land as a sovereign nation?

Lo, Hand!

You decide that, having spotted the notorious assassin The Hand Of Painful Death skulking in the shadows, the best course of action is to greet him.

"Lo, Hand!" you say, waving at him.

Two seconds later, he has a venomous knife held to your throat. Maybe this wasn't the best approach. How are you going to get out of this?

Camp Lo.

Your target is decided. Camp Lo is a longer journey, but it's not as well defended as Camp Hi or Camp Med. Now you just need to pick out your equipment for this mission.

First off, you'll need a weapon, just in case you do run into enemy soldiers. What should it be?

Lo Mein.

Yes! Those were the last words of the incantation! You're sure of it!

"Abra cadabra, locus apocus, zoomo moono, talla hassee, lo mein!"

You complete the summoning spell, and a shadowy figure emerges from the depths of your pentagram. As the arcane smoke clears, its features are revealed.

It has a muscular red-skinned body, fearsome wings, dreadful horns, and is wearing a uniform.

"Here's your delivery," it says, handing you a paper bag. You look inside and find an order of Chinese food.

The elder mages are whispering something as they watch you. Somehow, you think they're not impressed. You're probably not going to pass this trial and join their ranks, and instead will be thrown into the Pit of Despair for eternity.

Your only hope is to somehow convince them this is what you actually wanted to do. But how are you going to do that?

Chickety china, the Chinese chicken.

Yes! That's your new superhero identity: Chickety China, the Chinese Chicken!

It might make more sense if you were Chinese and your powers were chicken-related, but who cares about the details. You've got crimes to thwart!

Or at least, you're pretty sure you've got crimes to thwart. Admittedly, you're not sure where any of them are taking place right now. Where should you start looking for trouble?

>Scream. Scream to drown out all the voices.

Yeah, that's a good idea. You're the loudest banshee in all of Ireland, you're not going to stand by while these losers engage in worthless chitchat.

You howl loudly, and the other banshees stop and turn towards you. You've got their attention now; what should you say to them?

Take one bite, so that your heart stops tickin'.

That's it! Your arms and legs may be bound, but your mouth isn't! You carefully bite the pink wire, and the bomb attached to your heart stops.

Now you've got some time to think. For starters, how are you going to get down from this high pole they've tied you to? And maybe coming up with a plan to stop the terrorists would be good, too.