The Worst Adventure in the World

>Sure, why not. The worst that can happen is that you completely embarrass yourself again.

Why do you always have to think like that? Nothing's going to happen and you're not going to embarrass yourself. You ARE a witch. You are!

As soon as you tell him you'll help, he bounds off, shouting for you to follow. You struggle to keep up, but you are a bit more familiar with the area than he is and manage not to stumble on quite so many roots.

Before long, but not before you have time to wonder if a pair of kneepads might be a decent addition to the underdressed man's ensemble, you reach a small clearing. He shoves you into it, intent on introducing you to his companions.



"Hark, comrades! I have found both a guide and a mage for our party, blessedly in the same person."

The tall squinty man doesn't glower, since he seems to be in a perpetual state of glowering, but clearly looks like he would glower harder if he could. "It's about time. You were supposed to know this forest yourself."

Loincloth ignores him, boisterously clapping you on the shoulder and shouting "Now, you must be wondering who the men in our merry band are. I'm Hrulf Axenblade, from the frigid–"

The man sitting on a stump, who looks like some kind of priest, interrupts. "Oh, stop it Jim. Nobody believes you're a hardened warrior from the tundra. Yes, I get that we're doing the adventuring party thing and you want to do it right, but you're mixing up "barbarian hero" and "knight errant" and you're just making us all look bad. If you're going to be a pillock, at least knock it off long enough to get our names out."

Jim grunts and crosses his arms, trying and failing to upstage the other man's glowering. "Fine. I'm Jim Matherson, and I am a barbarian hero. I just happened to be born on the plains, but that shouldn't make a difference. This is Ludo Bagram, charming rogue and traps expert, and that's Brother Wickston, spiritual advisor and adventurer in charge of hexes, curses, and unfathomable horrors."

They all turn to you. A few seconds too late, you realize they want an introduction. "Oh, er, I'm Annaliese. Annaliese Nibbs. I'm a witch, and I live here in the mountains, and..." You trail off. "I do magic and stuff."

There's silence for a few moments while Ludo and Brother Wickston share a glance, then Ludo shrugs and mumbles "Lead the way, then."

Then you lead the way. You were already pretty close when you encountered Jim, and these two were even closer, so it's not much of a walk before you're standing in front of an imposing stone facade.



"Hark! There be two entrances!"

"Yes, Jim, we can all see that."

"Verily, I say that we split up. Our bolstered numbers should facilitate regrouping!"

"... Why? Shouldn't we just stick together and explore both sides in turn?"

"Forsooth, that's not how these things work. Mayhaps there be fiendish traps and puzzles that require keen cooperation between multiple parties straddling either side. Or something like that."

"Yeah, well, maybe not. I just don't see why we don't cross that bridge when–"

"Look, just trust me on this, okay? I'm the leader, and I say we're splitting up."

"Fine, whatever."

Oh, if the groups are splitting up, maybe you can get your choice of partner and door if you speak up now. Unless you just want to stay quiet and let Jim assign you to a team and side.