You Are About 10 Seconds Away From Execution By Firing Squad

DEATH 50!!!

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Spoiler

Sing a song about your love for donkeys to your grandmother in an attempt to sway her hateful emotions.

>Trick her into singing a psychedelic song, revealing that she isn't such a frosty ice queen after all, and causing her to let her hair down.

Colonel: Grandmother! Please, open your heart!
Seeing you like this tears me apart!
But perhaps, just perhaps, I can help you to see
How harmful this hatred is to you! (And to me!)
Let me sing you a song of incredible beauty!
(I hope it convinces you not to shoot me!)
I know that my singing may not be on-key,
But I can still tell you of the majestic donkey!



Colonel: Long ears, fierce kicks, and a silly "Hee-Haw"!
Perhaps up to now, that is all that you saw!
But please, before your brow begins to furrow,
I must speak of the wonders of the noble burro!
They carry our burdens, they may father a mule,
But their true beauty can be seen by even a fool!
Of all animals, donkeys are the highest class!
There is nothing greater than a magnificent--



Leader: You stupid boy! You're doing it wrong!
I'll show you the way to break out in song!
Donkeys are boring and stupid and lame,
I'll sing a song about my enduring fame!
Except, it won't do to sing it alone.
I need support for my wonderful tone.
This is a command from your leader glorious!
Open the doors! Send in the chor-ious!



Leader: Hit it!



Leader: What's the hold-up?



General: (Psst... Glorious Leader, Law #25405, 'No rhyming, punishable by death.')

Leader: (It's repealed. Now get singing!)



Chorus: Our Glorious Leader, the greatest in the land!
Traitors are crushed by her righteous command!
Lovely and wise and courageous and just,
To submit to her absolute rule is a must!
Glorious Leader, please guide us all!
Before your might, all our enemies fall!
Yes, you should obey her, for if you do not,
Her firing squads will have you shot!



Leader: By the way, though I ended the law against rhyme,
When you started singing, it still was a crime!
So now, my dear boy, your punishment's due!
My, how many deaths will this make for you?

Chorus: Fifty deaths! Fifty! That's quite a lot!
And they were absurd more often than not!
Now for the end of this musical number,
We'll send you once more to eternal slumber!



Leader: Excellent work, everyone. Now get out of my office!

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

Equip robe. Be death. You sure have enough expirence with it!

You decide that the best course of action is to impersonate the Grim Reaper, and get in costume while her attention is elsewhere.



"RENATA BUENDIA! YOUR TIME HAS COME!"



"This sort of childish game is exactly what I've been talking about, Aureliano! Do you seriously expect to scare me with that?"
"...no, Grandmother."
"Honestly. Do I have to explain this again?"

>Ask your Grandma to succinctly sum up why she hates you and ordered the firing squad to kill you, preferably in up to 5 sentences.

"Can you summarize it this time? And maybe explain why you sentenced me to death by firing squad?"



"You are such a filthy hobo hippie hipster punk! From the moment you were born, I knew you would be no good! I can't even fathom how you could possibly be a Buendias! So impolite! Like that one time! Just dying on my cottage floor! I think you did. That one time maybe. And you also used up all my tissues without asking! What kind of grandson does that? And you never listen to me! I told you 'Music is a horrible major! You won't go anywhere with it! What can you do with a B.A. in double bass of all things? So useless!' and I was right, wasn't I? You're unemployed and a bum! You stink up the place! And your stupid bass takes up too much room! That instrument is ridiculously huge! Why couldn't you have gotten a reasonable major? Your brother is a doctor! And he's in a band! It's a very popular band too! What do you do? You slouch! You laze about! You leave crumbs on the floor! And when have you ever just visited me to see how I was doing? Never! You only visited me to ask for money! Or for food! Or for a warm bed! The music you listen to is atrocious! And that watch you wore in high school was a hideous shade of green! In a gadda da vida, baby! Not to mention you never reply to my emails detailing how much your brother is better than you!"



"And that's why you were going to have me executed?"



"Oh, you silly boy! No, of course not, that would just be petty."



"I ordered your execution because you posed a threat to me."



"You see, back when you got lost in the snow, and found your way to my house..."



"...I took that watch of yours."



"I had done some research into it, and learned that the watch could be used to alter the flow of time, and that it could permanently grant one power to a person."



"In my case, I gained protection from the ravages of time. I no longer age. I still had all the years I'd already acquired, but that's all right. But there was just one problem."



"You had already gained a power from the watch."



"You had the power to turn back time after your death. You didn't even realize you could, as you would be left with only a vague memory of what led to your death."

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SpoilerAuthor's note: I planned this before Frank Quitely and the Boxers of Time started, for the record.

"I was safe from age, but not from more conventional means. So I hatched a plan."



"I began researching the fabled Invincibility Code."



"But I thought my scientists might fail, or betray me. So I arranged a contingency plan."



"I reasoned you would use your powers to escape the firing squad, but from your perspective, you would be facing immense danger. You would be tempted to seek out the code on your own."



"Then, with this device, I would learn the code from you. I would be truly immortal."



"Then I'd lock you up, where you'd eventually die of either starvation or old age. Your power wouldn't be able to help you."



"But you had to go and spoil that plan by somehow making it here without the invincibility code!"



"Ah well. I suppose I'll have to settle for having you locked away and tortured for the rest of your life."



"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"



The watch fell out of her hair! This is your chance!



...But it broke when it landed on the floor! Now what are you going to do?